Articles,Interviews,Reviews

DAILY POST

simonnapierbell.com

emails prior to Oct 31 2005

MONDAY OCTOBER 31 2005
From: Screwball Dingbat, Bridlington, Yorkshire
To:simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

hey simon

i been watching that boys & girls programme and think it's pretty cool but I don't get all the boys being girls and girls being boys bit – I gotta tell you I liked the book better when you put it all down to drugs

drugs is something I can understand but all this dressing up funny stuff isn't my scene - even when I dig the music it seems wrong to be talking about it in terms of what they dress not of what they play

why didn't you leave it as it was – drugs is cool man – this stuff is weird

SCREWBALL

Hi Screwball

This is just a different interpretation of the same stuff. Everything in this series was in the book too. It's just that we thought for TV it would be more interesting to emphasise the sexual side of things. Too be honest, the two should run by side by side, which was the way I had it in the book. Still – I think the programmes looks good and aren't as weird as you seem to think.

Cheers
SIMON

SUNDAY OCTOBER 30 2005

From: George Selhurst, Basingstoke, Surrey
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

Watching Boy & Girls on the BBC last Sunday I enjoyed being reminded of the time in the Sixties when Mick Jagger was arrested on a drugs charge and the police, when they raided his house, were said to have found Marianne Faithful naked, doing something questionable with a Mars bar. At that time I worked in wholesale delivery and remember the way sales of Mars bars jumped up in the week that followed. At the warehouse they even ran out for a few days. Did anyone ever find out what Marianne was actually doing with the Mars bar?

Yours
GEORGE

Hi George

I think the report at the time said the Mars bar was still in its wrapper. This suggests it was being used as an object rather than a source of chocolate delight. But with Mars bars being only four inches long and one inch thick it must have been a pretty unexciting object to use.

Though who knows… Perhaps compared with Mick it was quite a thrill.

Regards
SIMON

SATURDAY OCTOBER 28 2005

From: David Speake, Sec. Old Durstonian Association
To: Simon Napier-Bell & Simon Mulligan

To both Simons – who are both old Durstonians, one very respectable, the other notorious and louche!! Thank you for sending me emails about your forthcoming performances/tv programmes.

Simon Napier-Bell (very respectable??)

Simon Mulligan (notorious & louche?) or possibly the other way around?

Very interesting to see both your websites and what you are doing. Would you be interested in talking to the Old Durstonian Association in January sometime? If you could give me some available dates?

Free meal - opportunity to meet Mr Harrop who will be attending this year - Mrs Horniblow possible - and new Head Teacher of Durston, Mr Ian Kendrick. Plus of course your contemporaries, who I would make attempt to contact on your behalf? 1-15 minute speech required, about 40-50 attend, venue ex Caernarvon Hotel, Ealing (now Ramada Jarvis Hotel) early January to mid-February.

Contrast between a renowned musical performer and the ex manger of the Yardbirds. Well, it would be interesting?

Yours truly
DAVID SPEAKE

Hi David

I remember very little of my time at prep school – by that I mean Durston House, for in fact I went to three prep schools – a private one age five, a government one age seven, and then to Durston House age eight or nine. Having just spent two years at Ealing Primary, I arrived with the wrong accent and got a lot of stick from the other boys – worst of all from a boy called Levine, but I guess he was just giving me what he was getting from the other boys for anti-semitism seemed rife amongst the under tens.

There was a tall thin master who liked to whip boys across the bottom with a silver chain (me, so frequently that I simply wore an exercise book down my underpants for all his classes), and also liked banging boys on the head with heavy books. I also remember a pleasant and thoughtful headmaster who I rather liked.

There was another boy whose name escapes me but who must have been quite a friend since we travelled home to Ruislip on the tube every day and played tennis with each other in his garden at the weekends.

Apart from that I remember nothing, though there are photos in the family album of me in Durston House uniform. I'm afraid I have no idea who Mr Harrop is, nor Mrs Horniblow, but don't let any of that make you despair of me turning up for an old boys rally. I'm all for it, and this chap Mulligan sounds pretty OK. I must get hold of one of his records and have a listen.

So in general, you can count me in. On the other hand, I live mainly in Thailand these days and will only be able to make it if I have some other business going on in the UK at the time (which is quite possible).

Can we leave it open?

Best regards
SIMON

FRIDAY OCTOBER 28 2005

From: Miles Cain, London, UK
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

Re your piece for the Independent.

Call me naive, but I think Bono really believes in what he's doing with his trade justice work etc. I am sure you were right with Malcolm McLaren, however, and I liked the Robbie Williams quote a lot.

I went to see a roots singer called Christine Collister a few weeks ago, at a pub in York . She said she was in Radio station in about 1984/5, and was coming downstairs with a guitar, when she hit George Michael in the groin with the case. She says she wonders if it had any influence on him.

Looking forward to watching ‘Boys & Girls' when I get a chance.

Ciao for now
MILES CAIN

Hi Miles

I don't think I suggested that Bono doesn't believe in the good work he does. In fact, rather the opposite. And he's certainly good at it.

Watching him on an American TV programme arguing with a right-wing fundamentalist US senator, Bono was brilliant, cool, restrained and persistent. But sometimes he seems to enjoy his charitable role just a little too much which makes him come across like some sort of substitute Pope.

However, what I was trying to say in my piece, was...

Make no mistake about it -Bono is well aware of the benefits to U2 of his presence on the world stage of international charity. His desire to be a saint might be genuine enough, but he's also happy to benefit from the publicity it gives him as a rock musician.

That's all
SIMON

THURSDAY OCTOBER 27 2005

From: C.J.Walton, Banglamung, Thailand
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Dear Simon

I have followed your arguments on genetics and religion with interest. However, I believe that those who believe in God may not be genetically modified, with the exception of Jews and Muslims, who naturally interbreed because of their so called faiths. In poor countries, such as Mexico and the Philippines, the church is all powerful because poor people cannot afford psychiatric advice. It was the same in England in the Middle-Ages when everyone who went to church was brainwashed into believing in miracles which made them forget that their real problem was grinding poverty. In the Middle-Ages the Squire of each village had the natural right of deflowering every girl and boy in his village. Obviously these children needed psychiatric help which, fortunately for them, was obtained free from the local vicar in exchange for additional sexual gratification. The Catholic Church in America is on the verge of bankruptcy because this cheap psychiatric help is still available.

Regards
CHRIS J. WALTON

Hi Chris

I enjoyed your brief thesis. Expanded somewhat it might make a good movie. You could combine it with re-incarnation and have the same character getting fucked by the church in every century from the dawn of time till today – possibly something of a hermaphrodite – who in the last chapter could be born again as a transsexual spiderman intent on reaping revenge on the world of religion. A Walt Disney production perhaps.

All the best
SIMON

WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 26 2005

From: Dr Arnold Morales, Gibraltar
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Forgive me Mr Napier-Bell, but while your current emails seem to be solely concerned with a television programme in which you have been involved, I found in your Daily Post back correspondence an appallingly tasteless quote from you about religion. The particular comment I am referring to appeared in a piece you wrote considering the possibility that religious belief might be a genetic condition rather than a choice.

While I consider this highly unlikely, it is nevertheless a subject of great seriousness and not one to be written about with flippancy. Religious intolerance is the cause of so much misery in the world. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Yours
ARNOLD MORALES

Hullo Stuffypants.

I was just trying to provoke a little thought.

As I see it, it's all genetics which ever way you look at it. If religion is NOT genetically installed, then someone who believes in God must simply be suffering from a poor brain, which in itself must be the result of genetics. Whereas, if religion IS genetically installed in us, then perhaps that person has a reasonably good brain other than its genetic tendency towards religion.

So the only thing in dispute is… Are Christians dumb? Or are they of normal intelligence except for a genetic inability to think freely for themselves about religion?

If it's the latter, then I suppose I can no more blame their brains for standing up and pointing at God than they can blame my willie for standing up and pointing at good-looking young men.

Cheers
SIMON

TUESDAY OCTOBER 25 2005

From Michael Doiley. Show was great!!!!! It just goes to show, the truth about rock n' roll is MORE rock n' roll than the hype ever was! Looking forward to the book and next week's instalment.

From Simon D. I watched Girls And Boys on BBC 2 tonight; very enjoyable, and well researched too. I can see a visit to Borders being in order the next day or so. See if they've got Black Vinyl White Powder.

From Simon White. I didn't pick up your e-mail until this morning so I missed the programme. Murray caught it and said it was fine except for Harold Pendleton's dress sense!

From John Ferris. Enjoyed the show very much with a bottle of wine. Maybe I'm too young to remember the whole media thing with Marianne Faithful and the 'mars bar', but it made me chuckle!

From Sean Griffin. Watched and loved it, as did all my friends (they've all read B.V.W.P and I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch and loved those too!). I eagerly await the following episodes!

From: Adrian David. Superb programme. Looking forward to the rest of the series. Congratulations once again. Kindest regards.

From Philip Adey. There was a lovely early (too brief) shot of you as a young lad entrepreneur cut into you as a grown-up (did you ever?). To be fair to them I didn't recognise the story line of the book, as such, in the show. Well they could hardly be that explicit could they?

From Gregory Gray. It was simply a cut above the usual cheesy lazy editorials of fifty best this or fifty campest that. It was fun to see you interviewed. You got a nice face and talking voice. I do wish you'd wear your hair just a little shorter though. How bold of me to say so.

From: Daniel Abineri. I tuned in with great interest last night. I must say for one strange moment I thought I was watching a re-run of my own 1999 documentary 'Walk On The Wildside: Androgyny in Pop' which I was sure wasn't the main thrust your book. I could have done with a lot more of you and your almost scientific deconstruction of the forces behind pop. What happened to your insights on dance styles, drugs and BPM's? It's almost as if the makers lost confidence in the source material halfway through and went for Cilla and her startling revelation that 'the Beatles were fab'. All very confusing. Great to see all the old footage again though. Have just finished the Wham in China book which I thought was sublime. Don't suppose there's a doc in that one as most of the Chinese players will no doubt have vanished without trace?

To Daniel Abineri from Simon Napier-Bell. Hi Daniel - You're right of course about Black Vinyl, but after a lot of prelimary discussion (I mean – more than a year of it) it became apparent that was the only way they were going to go with it, so in the end I agreed. Anyway - there have been plenty of positive reviews so they don't seem to have got it too wrong. And BBC 2 picked up 800,000 more viewers than it normally gets at that time on a Sunday. But I haven't seen it yet, my copies haven't arrived in Thailand. Re the other book – I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch – my friend Fenton Bailey from World of Wonder is keen to turn it into a sort of semi-doco-semi-fiction feature film – so who knows.

MONDAY OCTOBER 24 2005

From: Nick McGeachin, San Francisco, USA
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Dear Simon

I read "I'm Gonna Take You To Lunch" with deep fascination, for various reasons. Another top read! It strikes me that you and I may well have been in the same places at the same time, and dealt with the same people.

I first went to China in 1984 on a group mission sponsored by an American publishing company who were producing a Chinese language technical publication about the broadcast industry. At first, like you, I stayed at the Holiday Inn on the outskirts of Beijing, on the road in from the airport. Again, like you, as soon as the Great Wall Sheraton opened, that became my choice. I hated every minute of it - hated Beijing , and hated all of the obvious bribing that was going on. As with you, all lunch and dinner meetings with our Chinese 'partners' were at the restaurant on the top floor of the Great Wall Sheraton.

Then there's the glorious White Swan Hotel in Guangzhou. I got barred forever from the hotel for my sins, and the people from Germany and Hong Kong I was travelling with at the time all got unceremoniously escorted by police to the train station and put on the first train back to Hong Kong.

We'll need to talk so that I can fully explain what happened.

Love and respect
NICK MCGEACHIN

Hi Nick

It certainly seems we shared a great deal of experiences. That dreadful chilly Holiday Inn, and endless meals at the Great Wall Hotel in dreary, coprrupt Beijing. But it's a pity you screwed up at the White Swan. It was the one hotel in China worth being at.

Still - it's all changed now - especially Beijing. It's sparkling. And you can stay in any number of top hotels.

I might drop by San Francisco sometime before the end of the year and we can catch up.

Best regards
SIMON

SUNDAY OCTOBER 23 2005

From: Simon D, London, UK
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi - This is a bit of a long shot, really.

I think you produced Keith Relf's single, Mr Zero. If so, have you got any recollection who might have been the guitarist on the record?

My original single of the record has been played to death, but Mr Zero is a bonus track on the Over Under Sideways Down CD. There's a rhythm guitar throughout the track, and this is joined by a background lead for the last verse. Whether this is double-tracked or a separate lead I couldn't say.

Regards
SIMON D

Hi Simon

It would have been Jimmy Page or Big Jim Sullivan, the only two people I used on my sessions in those days. I suspect I used both.

The musicians union rules in those days didn't allow overdubbing. And although groups like the Yadbirds could get away with it by going into the studio when there was no-one else around, Mr Zero was done with a full session band which was booked by Charlie Katz (Britain's top session booker for many years).

If there were to be two guitar parts, there would have to be two guitarists present - which means they would have been the two Jims - Sullivan and Page. And for sure, it would have been Big Jim playing the rhythm and Jimmy P playing the solo.

This seems to give you your answer, though I wouldn't swear an affidavit on it.

Cheers
SIMON

SATURDAY OCTOBER 22 2005

From: Gregory Gray, Herfordshire, UK
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

I just thought I'd forward the following URL: http://www.iht.com/articles/2005/10/07/opinion/edsmiers.php

It's an article from the Herald Tribune about copyright by two women from the Netherlands, a professor of political science and a 'policy adviser' and publicist. Amongst other things they say…

"Most artists have never made a penny from the copyright system."

“We must keep in mind that every artistic work - whether it is a soap opera, a composition by Luciano Berio, or a movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger - derives the better part of its substance from the work of others, from the public domain.”

“A world without copyright would offer the guarantee of a good income to many artists, and would protect the public domain of knowledge and creativity.”

“We propose that the artist receive a one-year usufruct, or right to profit from the works.”

I have too much loyalty for the past to digest this idea easily.

Regards
GREGORY

Hi Gregory

The whole point of art is to take something that's in the public domain and re-interpret it in a way that is uniquely your own, and therefore copyrightable. It's absurd to say that ‘most artists have never made a penny from the copyright system'. Every book you see in a book shop - every record you see in a record shop - the writers, the singers, the songwriters and the record producers are all earning money from the copyright system.

There's a certain bitterness in what these two women have written. I suspect at some time in their lives they put together something they thought was a good creative idea and hoped to make some money from it. Then they found someone else had thought of it first, and copyrighted it. Now they're aggrieved. Either that or they belong to that chip-on-the-shoulder brigade who wear their skirts to their ankles, eat vegan food, breast feed their babies in public and shout angrily from the pavement outside G7 meetings.

Cheers
SIMON

FRIDAY OCTOBER 21 2005

From: Space Kat, Twickenham, UK
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hello Simon

I have just got home from a four day Sacred Sex workshop in Glastonbury. The food and the hot tubs were lovely. Hope you and Yo are well.

Lots of love
KATE xxxxx

Hi Kate

You were always the most adventurous member of the family. Tell me! What goes on at a four day sacred sex workshop? Are you sworn to secrecy? What was in the hot tubs apart from you and water? There's got to be some good detail in there.

Would it make interesting reading on the website?

Love
SIMON xxx

THURSDAY OCTOBER 20 2005

From: Chris Salmon, London, UK
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hello Simon

I've just finished reading I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch and there's a few questions I want to ask.

1. Did Queen ever found out that you'd done the dirty on them and shown the Chinese authorities material which suggested they were gay?

2. Did Wham! know you'd done that?

3. Do you think the Chinese authorities knew you were gay? (You say in Chapter 27 that they had a folder of personal information about you).

4. Do you really think it would have mattered if they'd known George Michael was gay? Would Wham! not have been allowed in?

Regards
CHRIS

Hi Chris

1. I never talked to Queen about what I did. It's possible they knew because the Japanese guy who was trying to get them set up with a concert knew. Anyway, I never suggested they were gay, nor that there was anything wrong about it if they were, I simply pointed out to the Chinese authorities that in the English language the word Queen had more than one meaning.

2. I never once talked to Wham! about how I'd managed to get them into China . Despite George's insistence that he was the ultimate decision maker as to what they did and didn't do, he had very little idea of all the work that was done behind the scenes on his behalf.

3. Whether or not the Chinese authorities knew I was gay is an interesting question. They certainly had a folder on me with personal information but perhaps they never connected sharing a house with two other guys to anything they would think improper.

4. I'm sure, if someone had told them that George was gay, and made a point of explaining what they meant by it, Wham! would not have invited to play there, but I'm not sure at that time if George himself knew. Also, you must remember, the Chinese government were very head-in-the-sand about homosexuality. When I asked them what their policy was towards it they said they didn't need to have a policy because in China there was none.

Cheers
SIMON

WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 19 2005

From: Dave Romfitt, Isle of Wight, UK
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

Couldn't help noticing that the orgy picture that's been up on your website suddenly got changed to exclude all sight of dicks and spurting sperm. What's that all about?

Yours
DAVE

Hi Dave

Everytime I looked at the picture I disliked it more. Even though it's just a silly drawing I just hated the sight of those dumb macho guys flinging their dicks around as if they were Rambo machine guns, spraying ten gallons of sperm at a time. So I decided to obliterate them. If only it was so easy in real life.

Cheers
SIMON

TUESDAY OCTOBER 18 2005

From: Gerard Meroux, Hull , Quebec , Canada
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

We worked together in Canada in 1962 - you were the trumpet player in a band at the Blue Sky café in Montreal - I was the bass player.

We used to play three shows a night for strippers and in between played four or five sets of jazz - the customer were mostly sailors - we had a black pianist in the band called Leroy who was a blind genius - he told us he'd been with Ray Charles at the same blind school in Chicago - you and I and the other guys in the band gave him a terrible time - used to introduce him to dreadful hookers and tell him they were the best-looking girl in the joint – we'd make him pay twenty bucks but gave the girl just five and keep the change to go boozing - once we went swimming with him in the lake and he pissed us off so when he was getting tired we pointed him to the centre of the lake and told him to swim in that direction - we were so shit.

These days I work as a part-time gardener - I'm 62 now - I quit music thirty years ago and spent most of the time since doing charity work with disabled people in Ottawa .

Even if you don't remember me the point of this letter is to tell you I came across your website.

GERARD

Hi Gerard

I got your email. I remember Leroy the pianist. And the strippers, especially the one who shoved a hatpin through her boobs as a finale but came to work dressed as a man.

Nice of you to write. I hope things go OK for you.

Cheers
SIMON

MONDAY OCTOBER 17 2005

From: Paul Rymer, www.nightporter.co.uk
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

I did get to meet Ryuichi Sakamoto at his concert in London this week. The best photo of this historic moment (for me, anyway) is now in the news section at www.nightporter.co.uk Sadly, in the other shots Ryuichi looks scared while I look scary.

Mr Sakamoto was very friendly and he made this longtime admirer very happy indeed. The show was good too. The beats in one number (similar to Riot In Lagos) were so incredibly deep that the sonic vibrations were making my trousers tickle the hairs on my legs.

I can honestly say that has never happened to me at a concert before.

ttfn
PAUL

Really Paul…
You're too old for this sort of fan worship.

As for the hairs tickling on your legs… The only thing that can do that for me is a young man's hand placed at the right moment on my knee or my thigh. Perhaps Ryuichi has finally perfected the art of sexual arousal through music. Or was it the Barbican's notorious ventilation system. It sometimes gets awfully drafty in there.

Best regards
SIMON

SUNDAY OCTOBER 16 2005

From: Bobbi Marchini, Zakynthos, Greece
To: Simon Napier-Bell

My dear Simon..

I have a gig in Belgium on Nov 19, http://www.brbc.be/calendar.html After that I'm off to Belfast for a few days... have a friend there who has just sold her ‘Listed' house. I write that with the Capital it deserves as she has ‘Tat' that needs careful documentation etc and needs a hand.

After that? Poof!!!!!..who knows? Probably Australia for a bit where I want to buy an apartment for my dotage and MUST finish a CD that's been in the mill forever.....

Speaking of singers. There is an English language radio station here now that is flogging Candi Stanton and I have been listening with great care. She has a wonderful voice. It is warm and full of great phrasing and (presumptuous of me) humour. Why have I only just discovered her? I saw on your post that you have a connection...lucky you.

Re Post... I wake up at 6.30 and read the papers and your site sets me up for the day. Love it. Addict!

But one thing puzzles me from last week's emails - your horoscope (Taurus). Tell me you don't believe that some inert gasses and ancient rocks whizzing about over our heads REALLY have any influence on what will happen in our lives, or who we are. I read mine every morning http://www.cainer.com/ but only because he is so UP - no tall dark strangers etc - which wouldn't be bad at the mo. Even short bald ones at a stretch!

Keep well and lotsaluv
BOBBI

Hi Bobbi

Re Candi Staton. Yes, she's truly wonderful. I managed her for five years, until last year actually. But me being most of the time in Thailand, and her being most of the time in Amercia, it wasn't really practical. The amazing thing is – she spends ninety per cent of her time singing gospel music in churches, and is truly serious about religion, yet we still managed to get along.

Re horoscopes and stars. Maybe gases and rocks influence things somewhat, but I don't believe any of the columnists who interpret them. Besides, I'm sure your interest in them is directly related to the dullness of your end of season life in Zakynthos. I mean – let's be honest! Which would have more influence on your life next week - learning that Venus was in conflict with Mars, or hearing that I was arriving at Zakynthos airport with two cases of champagne?

You see – stuff the planets! You and I (and everyone else) are way more important.

Love
SIMON

SATURDAY OCTOBER 15 2005

From: Jeff Simpson, Manchester, England
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

Some fairly dramatic developments at this end re our 4-part documentary (Black Vinyl White Powder). BBC-2 have decided to bring our transmission way forward - the obviously had a hole in the schedule - so we're now going out from October 23rd onwards, i.e. a week on Sunday.

This is a bit of a blow. We had lots of press ideas lined up, and were planning a big campaign of articles and features in the magazines and Sundays to get a debate going about the ideas in our series. They've literally slipped us in at the last possible moment before the schedule is confirmed, so we're now expecting only minimal pre-publicity. The other slightly annoying thing is that we're going to be directly up against Channel 4's UK Music Hall of Fame - which is a terrible show, but will inevitably draw some music fans.

Meanwhile, I press on with my 'Queens of Disco' - I have to interview Grace Jones soon - help !

All the best
JEFF

Hi Jeff

It sounds just like being signed to a record company. When everything is all perfectly set up to release a record, all the press, all the shop windows and the ads, they suddenly shift the date and screw it all up. Every time!!

Never mind. Let's hope quality wins through. I hope your divas are giving you a good time.

All the best
SIMON

FRIDAY OCTOBER 14 2005

From: Simon White, London, England
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Simon

I've got a copy of an article in the Guardian yesterday by George Monbiot saying --- 'the evidence is clear that murder, verereal disease and marital breakdown are all more common in religious cultures'. Thought it might ring a bell with you.

Hope all's well
SIMON

Hi Simon

I already read the George Monbiot piece. I'm always seeing figures like that. For instance, that the lowest prison population by percentage in the US is people who call themselves atheists. I don't think being an atheist keeps you out of prison, but knowing that life is your own responsibility might help. And thinking clearly, too.

It's good to see more people coming out so convincingly against that Nazi trained psycho-thug whom 30% of the world's population now revere as its pope. Monbiot is so right when he says, "A 14th-century pope with a 21st-century communications network sustains his church's mission of persecuting gays and denying women ownership of their bodies."

I'm sure EU law would prevent the pope issuing many of his statements if he were to make them just three hundred yards to his left or right, from Rome rather than his hate-palace in the Vatican.

Cheers
SIMON

THURSDAY OCTOBER 13 2005

From: Larry Ashmore, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

So, are you going to include Sophy in your birthday list or not ?!! I hope so.

Do you remember taking us for lunch at The Caprice to celebrate her 21st birthday when she started her meal with half a dozen oysters and then exclaimed, "Oo, they were lovely, CAN I HAVE ANOTHER ONE ?" In the words of my sainted (and permanently embarrassed) grandmother, I could have sunk through the floor." You took her at her word, though, and re-ordered. How cool was that?

As for Taurean's characteristics you will already know that they love 'charging' their friends with their knowledge about everything. As for Mozart, just stick to me; its too late for him.

L.

Of course Sophy goes on the birthday list, in fact, as I explained, she was already on it except I couldn't read the squiggle.

I only half remember the oyster incident on her 21st. Being a glutton myself I don't suppose I thought it strange that she wanted more. Besides, with oysters being an aphrodisiac, I probably thought she was stoking up, ready for her chap later in the day.

As for sticking with you in preference to Mozart, I've done it for long enough, as have most of the world's top film directors, so why stop now?

Manly kisses (if there is such a thing)
SIMON xx

WEDNESDAY 12 OCTOBER 2005

From: Larry Ashmore, London, UK
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear S

You're mistaken. It is daughter Sophy who has the birthday on 27th October; Suzy's birthday was back on June 13 th . She is a typical Gemini (aren't you one too?) being bright and quick thinking, mercurial and lacking in depth. Also, two-faced. I am only relaying what I read in Astrological reference books. Fortunately these shallow and confused people have a special affinity with Aquarians, a stalwart sign typified by such people as FD Roosevelt and Mozart (particularly happy about Wolfgang Amadeus ) which explains why I love her and other Geminians to pieces.

When you come over next we will take up with each other over a glass or two and a bite of food. Please let us know.

Love and hugs
L&S xx

Dear Larry

You're right, of course. It was my awful handwriting. When I investigated the entry in my diary I found the squiggle which followed the ‘S' before the ‘Ashmore' was much more of a Sophy squiggle than a Suzy one. I'd simply read it wrong. In fact, Suzy's birthday was already in my list at the appropriate date, though yours wasn't. Give me the correct date and greetings will materialise when the day comes round (or if you prefer I'll send them on Mozart's birthday – Jan 27th).

Incidentally, while I'm happy to accept all the good qualities you suggested, I feel justified in objecting to the less good ones since I'm not Gemini at all, but Taurus. I suppose you'll now send me a list of dreadful Taurean faults, but there's no need. I know them all already.

As for you, I checked Aquarius characteristics hoping to find something quite awful to confront you with but the worst thing I could find was, ‘creative to the point of being loony', which sounds pretty cool.

All sorts of love to you and Suzy (And from Yo too)
SIMON xx

TUESDAY OCTOBER 11 2005

From: Gregory Gray, Hertford, UK
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

Your current reverie is an inspired one.

The thing i find sexy about jazz is, it's the sound of men who cannot be bought. You have to accept jazz and the men who play it on their own terms. Unlike popstars, these men will not beg you to love them.

I love the sound of jazz coming through walls of the next room. It makes me imagine a lazy player lying on his unmade bed... smoking good weed... wearing one of those wife-beater vests... salty armpits… listening to Charlie Parker or some wild Ornette Coleman.

When i think of a man like that, i could willingly drink his bathwater.

GREGORY

MONDAY OCTOBER 10 2005

From: Erica Blume, London, Ontario
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

I think you were tough on the girl who wanted to phone and interview you, and Lord knows what the poor guy who met you in the lounge at London Airport said to make you so rancid. Then there was the poor boy playing Christian rock, and the man who wanted your support for American Atheists - you hadn't a good word for either of them. And what about the poor Irishman you proposed get a job shovelling shit? It makes me quite nervous to write to you.

But what I want to say is… I enjoy your insults enormously, so keep them coming, even if this letter puts me in the firing line.

Best
ERICA

Hi Erica

Nothing you wrote seems worthy of an insult. But please realise, in the same way that users of child pornography are to blame for it being created in the first place, it's people like you taking delight in my rude letters that gives me the stimulus to write them.

If you happen to fall foul of one you'll have only yourself to blame.

Best regards
SIMON

SUNDAY OCTOBER 9 2005

From: Paul Rymer, www.nightporter.co.uk
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

This week's article made me realise something. Not sure what it means exactly, probably something to do with the nature of my inner being, which is probably best left alone.

Anyway, I realised that I don't fancy ANY of the musicians/artists that I like. Admittedly, they are a pretty odd bunch but none have three heads or anything. I thought as a pop fan you were supposed to fancy the bands you like - at least that's what everyone says. I do find some groups attractive, but I wouldn't pay money to listen to their music when all I need is to look at the pictures. But that's way more than you need to know right now.

I suppose that's what makes an artist survive the initial pop thrill (the CDUK and Heat Magazine every week stage) - the ability to sell records without the need to be in any way attractive to anyone.

Anyway, best wishes and if you do publish this one, at least Mr Sakamoto will know he need not be frightened I might make a pass at him if we come face to face at the Barbican on Monday.

ttfn
PAUL

SATURDAY OCTOBER 8 2005

From: Lucy Tigerton, Boston, Mass
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

As part of a higher education course I am doing a thesis on music business management. I had already decided to focus on British managers when, in researching them, I hit on your website. I have now read every word of it and bought and read all three of your books. I feel you are probably the best equipped person to fill in the missing links in my research about the operating mechanisms of the British music industry. I have a particular fascination in the balance between artistic integrity and financial self-interest, both from the point of view of the artist and the corporate body.

Is it possible I could do a phone interview with you?

LUCY TIGERTON

I'll be quite honest - speaking to you on the phone might be boring for me and disappointing for you. In general I make a rule never to do it, though I admit, occasionally, when it's a young guy who's asking me, and he sounds cute, I succumb to it.

Tough on you! Nothing you've written makes you sound like a young guy, nor even cute. So why don't you write down the questions you want to ask and email them to me. If there's no more than ten, I'll type in quick answers and get them back to you.

Cheers
SIMON

FRIDAY OCTOBER 7 2005

From: Norman Jepson, Exeter, Devon
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Dear Mr Napier-Bell

You may remember we met last Tuesday at London airport in the Gulf Air lounge. We talked about the Conservative leadership contest and you gave me your card. Since then I have visited your website and discovered you are a rock manager.

My son is in a rock band and it worries me. I feel it's destroying his chances in life. I have told him I met you and suggested he send a demo to you. What I would really appreciate, and I hope you don't mind, is for you to respond in a way that opens his eyes to the downsides of the music industry and helps guide him away from the idea of being a musician.

I hope this isn't too much of an intrusion. (And I hope you will keep this email to yourself.)

Sincerely
NORMAN JEPSON

Hi Norman

Seems you're pretty darned good at intruding, and certainly no good at keeping yourself to yourself. I've already been sufficiently polite, listening to your boring conversation in the lounge. I don't remember ‘us' talking about politics - just you - sounding off like a prize pedant.

As for your son. Poor bastard!

SIMON

THURSDAY OCTOBER 6 2005

From: Ian Burrell, Media, The Independent, UK
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

The piece is very nicely written indeed. It would be good to have a quick phone
chat just to discuss how we could set the piece up in a stand-first. It's
very readable but I think it just needs to have a clear theme, such as, for example…

"In the days where celebrity magazines will go to any lengths to publish
pictures which ridicule music stars, is there anything a PR can do to
protect the image of a famous client? Simon Napier Bell gives a masterclass
in rock and roll news management"

Many thanks for the piece. We'll run it on the 17th .

IAN

Hi Ian

Pleased you like the piece. Your suggestion for the ‘stand-first' line seems fine. I look forward to seeing it in print.

Best regards

SIMON

WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 5 2005

From: Jeff Kent, Atlantic City, USA
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

hi simon

we are a young group playing fantastic straight ahead christian rock… something like british 70s acts sweet or t rex… driving… with great hooks… four guys… all great looking… all prepared to do anything to succeed… with an attitude that could change the world… how would you feel about taking us on for management??

JEFFREY KENT

Jeff – you dumb wanker

Can't you read? Look at my website...

If you're playing Christian rock you probably need psychiatric help. If you're really prepared to do anything to succeed, get into drugs and sex like any self-respecting rock group and tell God to sod-off.

SIMON

TUESDAY OCTOBER 4 2005

From: Jon Lindsay, Sydney, Australia
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

Firstly... you must tell Donavon that hair has to go! Though actually I was surprised… Donavon looked very young in that pic (what is he 40?) so those Swedish masseuses are doing a good job. If you talk to him ask him if he knows what happened to Brian Hathaway our East End friend who worked on movies.

I received a cryptic phone message wanting all my contact details with no return number but a promise to phone me again in a week or so about the Kit Lambert material. The caller said he was from Spitfire Pictures and working on a film about The Who being made by Roger Daltrey. I've since read that Mike Myers is playing Keith Moon. Maybe there's a chance for a starring part for Kit yet again. Then again perhaps they wouldn't want their old manager to look more outrageous than Keith Moon.

Of the material I had, I suppose the best stuff ended up in Andrew Motions book. Morton was the Diana bloke, and you know I sued him and we settled! Only for a small amount as he got the material from the Daily Star and the poor guy was mortified he was going to be accused of being a plagiarist but as he's now Poet Laureate I thought that rather fun.

That model search show is still apparently on the move but the Nine network is giving the yes or no go  within 2 weeks so I'll keep you posted.

More soon
JON

Hi Jon

You know Donavon is beyond redemption. Nevertheless, he's now living with his girlfriend in Sweden, has a baby boy with another baby on the way. As for being 40 now, he's already quite a bit passed that, but as you can see he still looks brilliant.

It would be nice to see you in Pattaya sometime. I hope the knees are improving. And re the model show - it would be great fun, so please let me know if it shows signs of happening.

All the best
SIMON

SUNDAY OCTOBER 2 2005

From: Mike Burrell, Vancouver, Canada
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

hi simon

i've been following your website and want to know more about the guy in brothermandude, hassan al khalifa… what does he sing like?? when do we get to hear him?? boxers or briefs?? who should be chasing him, me or my sister??

MIKE

Hi Mike

Hassan's voice is pretty unique – sort of Jimi Hendryx mixed with Bob Dylan and all sorts of other overtones from black and rock music. The album will be released in the USA around Easter next year.

As to who should be chasing him - your sister sounds like the one. And re Hassan's undies – I've not yet seen him trouserless. I'll ask and let you know.

SIMON

SATURDAY OCTOBER 1 2005

From: Stephen Aristei, The Rights Company, LA
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Simon,

One might think that I am your biggest fan... (I bet you hear that all the time...but I couldn't resist)! I just finnished "Lunch"....But I have already read "You Don't Have To...." and "Black Vinyl". And I must say I notice the improvement in both technique and delivery...I am eagerly awaiting your next instalment.

Thank you for your address.... To day I am negotiating a "release" from a label for my Latin rap group - Los Petroleros - will be re-recording three of the album's (CD's) tracks and submitting the masters to Sony, BMG, Univision and Warner Bros.... And I will be sending you a copy of the Booya Tribe's CD/DVD (the Samoans)! When you see the DVD, you will be surprised to see that you have most likely seen all of them before, as they are security guards for Janet Jackson and Eminem and are often in their videos.

RE: Brothermandude, I would love to send you a song for them - how best would you describe their musical direction?

By the way, I love your website....you are always an innovator. Stay well

Best
STEPHEN ARISTEI

Hi Stephen

Too much flattery these days – I can't take any more. But down to serious matters…

Brothermandude will be recording only their own songs. You can imagine, a guy like Hassan, from a Gulf Arab background making an album for an America has plenty to say. And all rock groups are best off saying there own thing.

Of course, the way to get the publishing on one of their songs would be to sign them to a deal - starting offers over a million, please.

Re your Samoan bodyguards. I seem to remember one of them being a bit brusque with me when Eminem turned up at Def Jam for a meeting once and I was standing in his way in the lobby. I hope they didn't beat up too many fans, it wouldn't bode well for sales. Anyway – I'm really looking forward to hearing them. Rush them over.

All the best
SIMON

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 30 2005

From: Mary Cigarettes, Hertfordshire, UK
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

I just have to say how addicted I've become to reading your daily posts. My favourite ones are from nasty people or ones who have their ambitions mixed up with their capabilities. They are fools setting themselves up to be shot down in the most delicious fashion. You have great brevity and humour. Why, I even fear writing to you myself, and I think you're a fantastic man. But the interesting thing is you also have true grace...you exude complete fair mindedness in all your replies. You're a testament to how people can gain edge with age, rather than the usual thing of loosing it.

Thanks for turning me on to "Hear me talkin' to ya". It's truly nourishing my interest in jazz and giving me a greater sense of location for that music. On my holiday I was reading it a lot on one of those funky big mattresses they have by the poolside at the Mondrian. The Asia de Cuba in that hotel was a real treat. It made me think of you. I know you like that kind of food a lot.

Can't wait to hear Brothermandude when it comes out. For some odd reason I'm getting a big Free/Paul Rodgers vibe from what I've read. We love funky strutting rock guitars… it makes us want to get up do things.

GREGORY

Hi Gregory

Good to hear from you again, and thanks for all the compliments, a bit over-flattering I think. I'm delighted you're enjoying ‘Hear Me Talkin' To Ya”. It really is the greatest book ever on jazz and meshes the learning and the listening together so well – the learning making the listening more enjoyable, and vice versa.

As for my tart reply to people's emails, surprisingly they never seem to come back to me and complain, except for yesterday - I had my first complaint since April - a request from the sender to have him taken off the site. I always oblige and his name has now vanished.

Re Brothermandude. They are steaming! Recording starts next week and we're already working on booking their first US tour for next spring. I don't know about Free, though, it's more Hendryx, but certainly strutting guitars.

All the best
SIMON

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 29 2005

From: Name witheld by request, UK
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

I'm a writer. I've written a few articles that you may know a place for. One of the articles is a gonzo journalist style account of an evening of taking katamine at an outdoor rave. The other is a kind of musing on the phenomena of Fuck Buddy websites. Looking at your website, it occurred to me you might know magazines that would be interested in publishing them.

Look forward to hearing from you
NAME WITHELD BY REQUEST

Hi Name Witheld by Request

I'm surprised you think I might have an undiscovered talent as a literary agent for provincial journalists. I don't.

If you simply can't control the urge to write articles no-one really wants to read, I suggest you start your own website and post them there. It's worked quite well for me.

Cheers
SIMON

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 28 2005

From: Lucy Demoz, Sao Paolo, Brazil
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hello Simon

I discovered your website and became rather fascinated with the picture it paints of you – gay, impatient, provocative, Godless, hyper, lazy, pleasure-seeking, fat.

Are you aware of how you come across? Would you say it was accurate? Are you happy with it?

LUCY DEMOZ

Hi Lucy

It's not for me to be self-congratulatory, but you make me sound like quite an appealing chap - just the sort of person I'd like to meet.

As for you, would I be right in thinking you are overbearing, interfering, unbearably talkative and rather visually blemished?

(Please do NOT interpret this as an invitation to send me a photo.)

Sincerely
SIMON

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 27 2005

From: Stephen Aristei, The Rights Company, LA
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Simon,

I just finished your last book....very very entertaining.....And I look forward to the next instalment ! Hope it is going well ! ! !

The other night I found your "site" and was impressed. I would be very interested in hearing your new act..... What can I say? It's the publisher part of me, always looking for that next hit act!

Also, I would love to send you a cd of one of the acts I'm working on - Booya Tribe (six scarey 200 lb Samoan rappers).

Hope all is well.

Later
STEPHEN ARISTEI

Hi Stephen

The new act is Brothermandude – and they're going great. But you're not going to be able to hear anything for a while. Currently they're in London doing final rehearsals before starting their first album with producers Mark Wallis and Dave Ruffy (U2, Stranglers, Travis, and many others).

The schedule is to have the album finished round Dec 1st , the first video shot by end of January, and the first US tour, to coincide with the album release, around March, April, May 2006. I'll be playing people finished tracks from just before Christmas. So you'll have to hold on till then.

Meanwhile - I'd love to hear your group of rapping, 200lb Samoans. Sounds like they could be substantial.

Best regards
SIMON

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 26 2005

From: Steven D. Roche, Terre Haute, Indiana
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi there Simon

I have come several times to your website and enjoyed the eclectic mix of views imbued in your personality. But with regret I notice your rejection of religion is woesomely undirected. Have you ever thought of joining the American Atheist society (www.americanatheist.org). We work together for a better world - free from the fetters of organised religion. Please check out our website. Your voice in support of us would be appreciated.

Yours truly
STEVEN D. ROCHE

Hi Steven

That there is no omnipotent God should be the sane conclusion of anyone with a properly functioning brain. But to come together in an organisation to celebrate the fact seems distinctly quirky, to say the least. I've seen your website. It simply treats atheism as a religion, in fact I've rarely seen a website more zealous or vigorous in spreading its beliefs. It's pure evangelism. Most unpleasant indeed.

The problem is, you've managed to reach the right conclusion about God – that there isn't one – but not about life itself – that it would be a lot more pleasant without evangelising Americans sticking their noses into everyone else's business.

Yours
SIMON

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 25 2005

From: Lucy Zelnyk, Isle of Man
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Simon

I am a retired school-teacher and a keen student of the absurd. Recently, I read on a website that a man in California has invented a machine that can read dreams. He doesn't claim that the machine can interpret a dream's meaning but that it can detect a dream's imagery. The machine, he claims, has the ability to analyse electrical pulses created in the brain during dreaming and by comparative analysis turn them into the same visual images on a heat-searching screen as are being seen in the mind's eye. Apparently the Vatican is interested in buying some so that applicants to the priesthood can be wired as they sleep until such time as they have a wet dream. The images thus created will be studied and interpreted – gay or straight?

Outrageous, isn't it?

LUCY ZELNYK

Hi Lucy

Creepy little machine, eh!!

Perhaps, at last, it could give us the definitive answer on Cliff Richard!

SIMON

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 24 2005

From: John Bryan, Oxford, UK
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

Have just made a very overdue visit to your website, and am still chuckling at the Mme Pelletier story (which you wrote at the time I left for the UK). I also very much enjoyed the Alec/wine and the religion/homophobe, articles, and especially your poetic comparison of your first meeting with Yo with the abominable executions in Iran. I really can't understand how you didn't feel the need to mention that you met me at much the same time!!!!

Lv
JOHN

Hi John

Sorry I forgot to mention that I met you the very same day as I met Yo. You must admit, though, it wouldn't have added greatly to the piece I was writing. However, next time I find myself writing a story about two teenage boys who meet misfortune, I shall try and work you into it, though of course with the greatest propriety.

Anyway - glad to hear you've been enjoying the website. Next week, when we're both back in Thailand, let's enjoy dinner together.

Lv
SIMON

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 24 2005

From: Bobby Conway, UK
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

hi simon - im a massive marc bolan fan and am putting together a fans tribute collection for marc. just fans memories, marc stories, or for younger fans like me just what marcs music means to us. i was hoping you may e mail me maybe a few words to add as a treat for the fans. im telling all my bolan friends that just fans will be in the collection but would love to have a few of marcs friends and collegues involved as a bonus for them. im doing this for Marc as whenever ive had hard times in my life his music has always pulled me thru and because of marc ive met some of the best friends you could wish to have. also all proceeds are going to a charity for deaf children which is a cause close to my heart as my 9 yr old brother is deaf

hope u can help. thanks simon

BOBBY CONWAY

Hi Bobby

I've written all this before in my various books, but Marc was one of the most different and fascinating people I've ever met. He was a true artist, absolutely brilliant, both with words and poetic imagery. And he was equally brilliant at creating his own publicity and public image, yet he had no ego about what he created.

It was as if the part of his mind from which his creativity came was separate from the part of his mind that was the everyday Marc Bolan. As a result he could write a new poem or song and be as surprised and delighted at it as if it wasn't really his but something he'd found lying around. It was his most charming trait. He could play me a new song with total wonder, as if he had no idea how it had come to him.

He also had that quick beguiling wit with which he could tease journalists into writing almost anything he wanted them to. So, for a manager, he was just perfect - doing everything that was needed of an artist. But of course he could be tremendously difficult too - full of sudden self-doubt like all artists.

Still, he stands out as one of the most pleasant, amusing and talented people I've ever met.

SIMON

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 22 2005

From: Buick Mukane, myspace.com/kenalverson
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Dear Mr. Napier-Bell

My name is Kenneth Alverson-I am a singer,songwriter,guitar player and all around rock&roll hero....I am inquiring several mangers about my career and your name kept cropping up on my search so I thought I'd write and see what happens even thoug you may no longer be in the management game.....I'm after serious manager who are interested in new talent or in my case great talent....As for musical influences,I think my screen name gives that hint...Marc Bolan.....In additon here's some more info about myself...

Born with lightning in my hand and a guitar in the other,I hope to someday return real rock&roll back to the top of the heap where it belongs.I'm sick of all these rappers and boy bands and this sissifed version of rock music.I've been playing guitar since I was seventeen.I don't drink,smoke or do drugs of any kind.It just gets in the way of my Strat guitar which is more important and also a very jealous creature which is why I'm still single with no girlfriend.But then again the Virgin Mary wouldn't be good enough for my Strat.So the way to my heart is through my guitar and being honest about who and what you are.Poseurs need not apply.

Now yes I'm sure there are better singers and guitar players out there...BUT THEY AREN'T ME...Yes I am that unique....As an artist with what I want to do...No one will be able to touch me....I just need that Great Enabler like myself to make it happen....Anyway,You can find my music on my page at http://www.myspace.com/kenalverson

All I ask is that you at least listen before you say no...You can also download the songs as well....

Anyway, thank you for reading my email and hope you sincerely consider working with me as I believe that real rock&roll is just waiting to come back and reclaim it's place as the world's greatest music....

Sincerely
KENETH ALVERSON

Hi Ken

You sound just the sort of person an artist needs to be in order to find success – self-obsessed, delusional and passionate – seeing yourself as a generational hero, as a one man religion, with you as both God and prophet.

Regarding your music, however, you say ‘there are better singers and guitar players out there'. This is a severe chink in your self-obsessed armour. My advice would be to take a year's break from your search for management in order to brush-up on these two fundamental necessities of musical stardom.

With your self-belief extended to include musical ability as well as self-advertiement, you might have a chance.

As for no drink or drugs, it makes you sound a little boring, as if you might be quite a pain-in-the-arse to deal with. Perhaps you should re-think this part of your strategy.

Best regards
SIMON

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 21 2005

From: Cheryl Stonehouse, Daily Express, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Simon

John Stephen, the man who started Carnaby Street, is getting a plaque at the top of the street at the beginning of October, and I've been asked to put together a double-page spread feature - less about his business success and more about the man himself, if possible. My features editor read your book while he was on holiday this summer and thinks you may well have known John, although whether he was a real friend or merely someone moving on the same scene isn't quite clear.

Are you in Thailand at the moment? Even if you are, would you consider having a chat with me about this? In return, I will do all I can to get you a plaque when you finally turn up your toes.

Have been desperately trying to work out where your plaque would be. This has sparked a new and fascinating parlour game in the features department here. Mine would be on the fridge (any fridge). The features editor is still thinking about his

I hope to hear from you. With very best wishes

CHERYL

Hi Cheryl

Currently I'm in the lounge at Bahrain airport waiting for my flight to London . I shall be there tomorrow and for another ten days. So yes, it should be easy enough to chat.

You're right, I never knew John Stevens as a friend, but of course everyone 'on the scene' knew each other in some way or another. Why not give me a call Wednesday morning.

And re the plaque - apart from the various places that I lived it might be near the front door of any one of various restaurants, though I suppose the food department at Harrods might do too!

All the best
SIMON

From: Bobbi Marcini, Zakynthos, Greece
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Simon

I have some questions about yesterday's Daily Post, although its very early in the morning here ...

Did you clean under the fingernail first? Was only thinking of the task undertaken when the digit was lost.

Another thing..how could you eat something that had been in that heat for 3 days enclosed in a matchbox? Digitally enhanced indeed!!

Love
BOBBI

Hi Bobbi

It was thirty years ago. As I remember, it sat amongst the charcoal for a long time - until it was a tiny little burned thing. But still... you've got to experience everything, haven't you? It was more like a 'dare' really. I don't know where the nail went - maybe melted in the heat.

I knew a Norwegian man who did the same with his leg which came off in a road accident. The hospital kept it on ice, hoping to re-attach it, but they couldn't it. So he cut a bit off and had it as a steak. On that occasion I wasn't offered any.

Hope you're well.

Love
SIMON xxx

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 20 2005

From: Terry Mickler, Perth, Australia
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

hi simon

a few weeks ago i saw in your email column that you were going to start a top 50 restaurants section to your website... whens it coming???

and another question… with all the travel and strange things youve done in your life… whats the strangest thing youve ever eaten???

regards
TERRY

Hi Terry

Sorry about the delay in the restaurant page. It turned out to be more work than I thought. It will be up and running in a two or three weeks.

As for the strangest thing I've ever eaten…

In the course of being banqueted all over the place, especially in China , many strange things have had to be gulped down with a forced smile – crane's feet, sea slugs, turtle's heads – all that sort of thing. Bull's penis in Taiwan, bull's testicles in Spain. And nowadays living in Thailand I'm always being pushed to eat fried insects of various sorts, from locusts to dung beetles. But there was something else.

I was travelling in India with Harry Turcotte, an intrepid New Zealander who'd persuaded me to go with him in a Land Rover to a remote part of the mountains near Kashmir. We stopped for a pee in the middle of nowhere and Harry managed to slam the door shut on his finger, taking the top of it clean off. Rather than panic, he screamed a few fiery words then wrapped some string tightly round the end of his finger to stop it bleeding. The bit that came off was about half an inch long and he picked it up and put it in a matchbox. He barely mentioned it again although he admitted there was a fair bit of throbbing.

Three days days later, back in Delhi, we were passing a kebab stall when Harry suggested we partake of an experience that wouldn't crop up too often in life. He got out the matchbox, removed the piece of finger and asked the stall-holder's permission to pop it on the charcoal for a minute or two. We divided the tiny quantity of grilled flesh, sprinkled it with salt and ordered a couple of Kingfisher beers to help it down. So....

The strangest thing I've ever eaten? A bit of Harry Turcotte's finger.

Cheers
SIMON

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 18 2005

From: Francis Connor, Satahip, Thailand
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Lieblink

I have only just read your piece about managing Japan. I had always thought that was the role of the Japanese prime minister, currently my good friend Jun-chan, as Koizumi-san is known to his intimates.

Many years ago he was a junior member of a delegation of Japanese MPs invited by the Conservative government to attend their annual party conference in Blackpool. I was still at that time employed by Her Britannic Majesty's Embassy in Tokyo and since I was to be in England at the same time as the delegation I offered my interpreting skills. The hotels in Blackpool were full so they stayed in Southport, where my brother used to manage a pub mit restaurant. So it was that we went there for dinner.

Deeply in his cups, the delegation leader, a venerable politician of the governing party, asked me what the English was for the Japanese word "sukebe". I told him whereupon, at the top of his voice, he shouted "I am randy"!

A lady at the adjoining table struck up a conversation with him and (since this was in the days when Japanese men still used fans) the politician wrote her a haiku on his fan, something to the effect that ‘the zephyr of spring' breathed only for her.

The following day she delivered a typically British tea pot to his hotel thereby making a serious contribution to the betterment of Anglo-Japanese relations.

Subsequently I remained in intermittent contact with Jun-chan and shortly before I retired from Japan to this corner of paradise I called upon him and said that I prayed for his future success. This is not to say that I had anything to do with his latter elevation to PM of Japan .

Demain I am off to Luang Prabang and will be in touch thereafter about another nose bag session.

Toodlepip
FRANCIS

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 17 2005

From: Harold Ackroyd, Chichester, England
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Good morning Mr. Napier-Bell

I came to your website by chance. I did not stay long yet I noted two things, one of which was that you are supposed to be a writer. The other was an appalling sentence in an email written by you to a Mr. Timothy Gee. It is not for me to comment on the febrile nature of your humour, but I took great exception to the terrible grammatical construction. You wrote – “I'd be so much nicer, and I'll give you a discount.”

Surely Mr. Napier-Bell, as a writer, you are able to see at once that if the first verb is in the conditional tense, then the second verb must be too. Otherwise it is so very ugly.

Sincerely
HAROLD ACKROYD

Hi Hal

What an old stickle-pickle you are! Let me explain. I see emails as dialogue not literature. The sentence in question is written with ‘progressive tensing'. That is to say, in conversation, even as we speak we change our perspective on things. In the first phrase I use the conditional – “I would”, or “I'd” – because the thought has just come into my mind. By the time I arrive at the next phrase, the thought has taken root. In that brief moment between phrases, I've already decided this thing is really going to happen. So I say the next phrase not in the conditional, but in the future, as an actuality – “I will” or “I'll”.

I call this "progressive tensing" but it's also known as “fuck the grammar, say what you feel".

Thank-you so much for your interest.
SIMON

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 16 2005

From: Timothy Gee, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hello Simon!

Have you seen the article in to-day's 'New York Times' about the Vatican sending teams to interrogate the students and staff in American seminaries about whether or nor they are gay? This is a new inquisition. And yes, this is one for your web site.

TIM

Hi Tim

We've already had this discussion. You know my opinion – the less priests the better. As for the Catholic Church starting a new inquisition – well, what do you expect of it? I already pointed out, when commenting on the execution of two teenage boys in Iran for having a sexual relationship, the Pope is the world's senior religionist and his anti-gay stance gives solace to homophobes everywhere. Now he's sending his own mobsters to beat up on young gays in the States. Sounds about par for the course.

And the Baptist bunch you spend your time with – are they really any better? It's God that's the real problem, isn't it? Your big, belligerent, bully in the sky. Why not worship me instead? I'd be so much nicer, and I'll give you a discount.

SIMON

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 15 2005

From: Iain Cooper, Bahrain
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

The Bahrain rehearsals for Brothermandude got off to a dodgy start - only Matt got off the plane! Anyway, after a couple of frantic phone calls I got hold of Dave Ruffy who explained everything. Russell got stuck on the tube and missed his flight - thank god he's a resourceful soul. He got on another flight through Dubai and dutifully pitched up in Bahrain just after midnight .

After a good night's sleep and full English breakfasts all round, things started to look much healthier. They got the gear all set up while I popped to the supermarket for supplies. I was gone all of 15 minutes. When I returned they had already run through The Sun and Heart Attack! Hassan came out the room and looked at me like he'd just had his first shag!

I just sat through the first run through of Don't Wanna Lie. The very first. No introduction, no discussion, just one, two, three...

Fuck me. Russell plays like a streamlined freight train, totally on the money, already knitting with Billy perfectly. He has great tone and real drive and knows the parts perfectly.

Matt is awesone - sound and style - melodic, tight, creative. And very cool.

They already sound like a band and they haven't even started! I don't want to get deep, but there is something happening here. I would pay to see these fuckers play live.

Cheers
IAIN

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 14 2005

From: Thomas Bromley, Tenterden, Kent
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hello Simon

My name is Thomas Bromley. I am a singer/songwriter(yes another one!!!!) and earlier in the year i landed a recording and publishing contract with an independent label 4realrecords. I have just finished recording the album of which i am very pleased with but i dont feel the record company are doing enough for me. Now the songs are finished and signed over to them everything has kinda stopped. I have given up everything to do this and i am now so frustrated with them I'm starting to lose faith in the whole thing. I would very much like your opinion on the album and possibly some guidance (you may think its toss!!!) but i would like your opinion anyway. Would you prepared to do this for me?

Kind regards
THOMAS BROMLEY

Hi Thomas

Yours is the story of the music business...

I've listened to the excerpts of your songs on the your record company's website www.4realrecords.com – they do you no favours putting up un-mixed tracks, but the songs sound good.

The trouble is – for everyone in the music industry – it's such an opportunistic business. The head office of '4realrecords' is in Myrtle Cottage in the middle of the Kent countryside. To most people that might sound like the primary problem. But it isn't. The same story is told by nearly every artist who signs to a major – Sony, EMI or Universal.

Singer/songwriter walks into the record company's offices, sounds great, looks good, nice personality, everyone's excited. They offer a deal - not a big one, in fact, a very small one - just enough, together with their positive reaction, to persuade the artist to sign. Everyone's pleased and excited. They make the album, quickly and without spending too much and rush it out.

Chapter Two. Sudden quick hit, new superstar on the make, everyone delirious. ( This happens once in ten thousand times ).

More normal Chapter Two. General public not much interested, in fact, completely unaware the album is out there because without massive marketing money how are they to know? And the record company are not about to spend ten times more on marketing than they've spent on signing the artist and making his album. Result? Start of great discontent by the artist who has now signed the publishing of all his songs to the record company and feels totally ripped off.

Answer? Should have been a one album deal.

Thomas – there's nothing you can do but grin and bear it. You're signed now for two albums so work with the record company as best you can – cajole them into as much promo as you can – try to understand their side – they're not really interested in individual artists but only in the overall success of the company – yet like nearly all of the people who work in the the music business they like music and must have liked both you and your music to sign you in the first place. It's just that a record company's priorities and an artist's don't really dovetail too well.

My advice is to do what promo there is, push yourself like mad with the press and anyone in the business you know. Make the second album when the time comes and repeat the whole process.

You'll have established a base and learnt a packet. And you'll never sign away your songs to another publisher again for the rest of your life.

Great advice on all these things on Tom Robinson's website. www.tomrobinson.com/work/publishing.htm

Best of luck
SIMON

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 13 2005

From: Jeff Simpson, Manchester, UK
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

I'm writing this from Manchester , where I'm now starting my next project - a one hour called Queens of Disco (they give me all the camp subjects!) - a set of potted biogs on Donna Summer, Gloria Gaynor, Chaka Khan, Grace Jones, Sylvester and Madonna - all set in New York in that glamorous age of Disco and Studio 54.

As regards ‘Girls & Boys' (TV version of ‘Black Vinyl White Powder')…

We've now locked off all the pictures for 80s and 90s - I had to dash back to London for the 90s online at the weekend. The remaining job is the vital one of getting the commentary finalised, recorded and added in, which will take place on Sept 28th. It's been a tough slog editorially, finding the arguments and laying them out coherently, but the result is a very powerful, enlightening and entertaining programme. Tranmission will be November 22 onwards, Sunday nights, BBC-2, at 9pm - which is a great slot.

I'm thoroughly delighted with my two episodes. And I can appreciate your itching to see it.

All the best
JEFF

Hi Jeff

You're dead right I'm itching to see it - it's been a very long time in the making, hasn't it! If you remember, our first creative meeting about it was at Julie's restaurant on the day that it snowed and then froze and everyone took eight hours to get home. God knows when that was - February two years ago, I think.

Still, if the programme's as good as you say, it will have been worth the wait. I'm looking forward to seeing it.

Good luck with your disco divas.
SIMON

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 12 2005

From: Gerald Swift-James, County Cork , Eire
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Dear Mr Napier-Bell

Regarding the emails you post each day. They are often very good, as are your responses, but sometimes they are dire. I think, on days when there are no emails good enough to post, it would be better to avail yourself of my services, for this is my area of expertise. I would be prepared to supply you with emails relating to you and your website, complete with your ready-made answers, which you can brush up and amend as you wish, at a charge 100 euros per thirty emails and replies. If you doubt my ability to write suitable emails for your website, I can tell you that you have already published two emails that I sent you under assumed names.

Yours faithfully
GERALD SWIFT-JAMES

Hello Gerald

I'm disappointed your proposal didn't include a suitable answer to send back to you. However, since it sounds like you're in need of gainful employment, I've forwarded your email address to a friend of mine who has stables near Ballylickey and needs someone to clean out the horseshit each morning. You'll find it an interesting occuptation. A 1,000-pound horse produces an average of 50 pounds of manure a day – nine tons a year – not dissimilar I would have thought to the output of your brain.

Regards
SIMON

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 11 2005

From: James Aviston, Kingston, Surrey
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

I gather you live in Thailand and travel backwards and forwards to the UK quite a lot. It surprises me that in your weekly piece you don't talk more about life in Thailand which I think a lot of people would find interesting. How about a piece on what you think of the place and how your life is there?

Best wishes
JAMES AVISTON

Hi James

I quite often write about Thailand so I guess you're just not paying attenton. Anyway, as regards my weekly piece I try to alternate between all the things that my life revolves around – food, wine, travel, being in the music business, being a writer, being gay, my love of restaurants, my dislike of religion, etc. But I don't have any sort of strict rota, I just sit down every Saturday morning and think, "Oh fuck, what do I write about this week?" Then, until I've done it, I'm not allowed breakfast or the morning paper. So I plunge into the first thing flows out of my mind.

Next week I'll try to make it about Thailand . But I can't promise. I might find something different comes to mind.

Wait and see
SIMON

SATURDAY SEPTEMER 10 2005

From: Sarah Bennie, Random House, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

The following sounds good but sadly I don't think you will be here.

Simon Mayo Show are doing an item based around the New York Times article which called Coldplay "the most insufferable band of the decade". Simon Mayo is very keen for you to take part in the programme. It's the usual roundtable discussion with four guests. So far they have two critics - Neil McCormick and Caroline Sullivan - and have a bid in for Pete Waterman. They want to know if it would be possible for you to take part, either in the studio or by phone?

Best
SARAH

Hi Sarah

I just read Coldplay's savaging by the US critics. I rather agreed with it and would have loved to do the Simon Mayo show. But from six thousand miles away it's difficult. Last year I did one live round-table by phone and it really wasn't good - bad connection, bad balance, couldn't hear what was being said. So I'd rather not.

Pity, though! I loved the New York Times description of Chris Martin's voice as ‘somewhere between a yodel and hiccup'. I would describe his songs as ‘whingeing to music”.

Never mind. I'm sure Pete Waterman will have plenty to say.

Best regards
SIMON

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 9 2005

From: Tina Johnson, London
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

hi simon

in black vinyl white powder i read that you managed the yardbirds when they played a concert at the albert hall with the rolling stones... my mum says that was the best music show she's ever seen in her life... but worse than that, she went to it with HER mum, who's my gran... so i've got the two of them saying i've never seen anything as good as they have... so i wanted to ask you what you think was the best gig you were ever involved with as a manager?

TINA

Hi Tina

There have been too many to pick just one - Wham! in Beijing, Japan at the Budokan, Asia at Miami Hurricane relief - there are great stories to tell about all of them. But the most extraordinary, perhaps, was the Yardbirds, not at the Albert Hall with the Rolling Stones, but at Wembley arena. It was the New Musical Express's annual 'Poll Winners' concert. On ONE bill, playing one after the other, were - The Kinks, The Searchers, The Animals, The Who, The Yardbirds, The Rolling Stones, and The Beatles.

Cheers
SIMON

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 8 2005

From: Donavon Nelson, Gothenburg, Sweden
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi!

Hope all is well. Am I right in assuming you will be in Thailand for Xmas? We've been thinking we might come and join you. We'd like to rent a large apartment or house if possible in your area. That's if Anna can travel ‘cos as you know there's another one on the way. And Damian is such a handful already. When he gets angry he tells me to go to London, or go and type on the computer. All I can do is laugh.

Looking forward to seeing you guys at the GALA awards on the 30th. My outfit is ready. Could you ask Yo if he would get hold of another one of those small spy cameras from one of the street stalls for me? I paid around £5 for it and now my father wants me to get him one.

See you at the end of the month.
DONAVON

Hi

Xmas and New Years Eve this year will be nothing special for us. I'm doing too much travel already to bother to go anywhere over the holiday season. Come to Pattaya. Allan will be here too, in his new apartment. So it will be a sort of ex-wives New Year with one of them bringing a new, 'real' wife and children. What a palaver!!

Re the awards on the 30th, Yo and I both had to have new tuxedos made because we've got so incredibly fat. I suppose you'll turn up in an Armani tux with a 22 inch waist. (How do you manage to stay so perfect??)

Love to Damien and Anna (and whatever's in her big tummy)
SIMON &YO x x x

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 2005

From: Peter Robinson, Cracow, Poland
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

I'm on holiday with my wife in her hometown of Cracow , Poland . Cos I write for a living I usually only read books when on holiday, and this time I read I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch.

A fascinating read, brilliantly written, and you weren't kidding about the lunches - you ate at least one per page. When I finally get round to writing mine, I hope I'm as well inspired.  Just wish I'd read it BEFORE interviewing you.

Will be in touch soon to discuss the other book I read. Meantime, thanks for a very enjoyable week with Wham!

Best
PETER

Hi Peter

Thanks for letting me know you liked the book. I remember at the time of the interview I was told you wanted to interview me about the book and it soon became apparent you hadn't read it - always annoying for the author. But your email more than makes up for it.

Hope you're finding Cracow enjoyable. I've never been there, although I've been to Poland quite a few times. Our family is pretty Poland-integrated. My great-great grandfather, Charles Bell, (maybe there should be another 'great' in there) married into the Von Tempsky family (Polish aristocracy). The deal with the Von Tempskys was that thereafter, every eldest son of the Bells would have a Polish name immediately before their surname. They alternated with Stanislaus and Napier (in our case a Polish name not a Scottish one). My father ended up with a Napier before the Bell and decided to hyphenate it.

What was the other book you were reading?

Regards
SIMON

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 6 2005

From: Sam Baroque, Florida
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hello

I am Baroquesam, a friend of Billy Carr. Last week I heard what Brothermandude has been working on. I liked what I heard. I believe the only way they would have lost face is if this art had been thrown aside.

Have fun!

Good luck to all
SAM

Hi Sam

Well you're right. I knew as soon as I heard it, this music and the combination of Hassan with Billy Carr was just too good to let pass by. Fortunately the project is now up and running. Billy will be in Bahrain tomorrow to run through the old songs with Hassan and finalise some new ones. Then in a week's time they'll be joined by Matt and Russel from London on guitar and bass to do a week's rehearsal before going to London to start recording the album. People who've been reading this correspondence still have no idea just how hot this whole thing is. I guess it'll be four or five months before they find out.

All pretty exciting!
SIMON

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 5 2005

From: Abigail Sadeur, Glasgow
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

I read Jenny Short's email with interest because it's been my observation over the last year or so that men and women wine critics find distinctly different words to describe wines. The women wine critics seem much more ready to use tough masculine terms to describe the wines' more savoury tones – petrol, rotting vegetables, compost heap, old leaves – than the male critics, who seem keen to go around the point. Last month I had a Sardinian shiraz-carignano that quite shocked me when I put my nose to the glass. It screamed up my nostrils with one dominant seductive note (and I doubt that many men would use it in a wine review)…. Cock! We were at a dinner of wine-buffs and I just burst out laughing. One of the other women got it too and started giggling with me, and then a gay friend joined in. But the other men remained stoney-faced, living in a vacuum.

ABIGAIL

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 3 2005

From: Jenny Short, Malaga
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

I read your piece about Epenots Pommard. In my own experience I've never come across anything in a Pommard that could be called ‘a hint of banana'. The wines which have the strongest and most consistent banana overtones are the Riojas. But I'm not sure we should use all these fruit terms to describe wines. People say such silly things to describe wine. Just this week I read someone describing a ten year old South African Pinotage as being like ‘rough-textured candied lemons soaked in petrol'. I thought, ”What the hell does that mean?” So I bought a bottle.

This was a "man's" wine, no doubt about it. The only smell I could use to define it was “stale fart and after shave”. Even so, it was absolutely delicious.

JENNY SHORT

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 3 2005

From: Cliff Mowdray, London
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

hello simon

i've just read your book ‘i'm coming to take you to lunch' and want to tell you how much i enjoyed it… i particularly liked the way your two ex boyfriends interacted with the story and with each other… and i loved the character you called professor rolf... sometimes the whole thing seemed liked fiction... were all the characters for real??? i mean – where are donavon and allan these days, your two ex-boy friends??

Yours
CLIFF

Hi Cliff

Yes – everyone in the book was for real – particularly Donavon and Allan. As to where they are today…

Allan cuts hair at Harrods and has a flat in Brighton , but he's about to sell it, give up hairdressing and retire to Singapore (his home town). But he's also bought an apartment in Pattaya (where I live) just down the road from me, and he intends to spend half his time here in Thailand .

Donavon's gone straight. He now lives with his girl-friend in Sweden and has a baby boy (Damien). However we all remain good friends. Last year, when Donavon's baby was christened, Yo, my current boy friend became the godfather. And later this month in London, Yo and Allan and Donavon and I will all be eating dinner together at the GALA awards at the Savoy - everyone the best of friends.

Nice, isn't it?
SIMON

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 2 2005

From: Sarah Bennie, Random House, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

With magazines such as Heat and Closer, it must be hell trying to protect celebrities' images when these magazine are desperate to print photographs of people drunk, falling out of cars or leaving the house with unwashed hair looking rough. Is it worse today, or did the Stones have as many problems? Has any manager or publicist achieved such a creative breakthrough as you getting Wham into China and breaking them in the States? If you were managing Robbie Williams how would you have cracked the American market?

Would you have time to write a piece about all the above for the Independent (Media section)? About 1000 words.

Best regards
SARAH BENNIE

Hi Sarah

In the Sixties and Seventies most British pop stars were so keen to establish their anti-establishment credentials that the things publicists now protect them from – being photographed drunk and misbehaving in restaurants – were the very things they did to get themselves into the papers.

Today, everyone can live the rock'n'roll life. Everything rock stars always did – binge drinking, all night sex parties, trashing hotel rooms, overdosing - young people can do for themselves, at the weekend, or in Ibiza . As a result, pop stars have gone back to being pure. Like Will Young, who's even managed to persuade people that ‘Gay is Dull'.

It sounds a pretty easy 1000 words. I'll give it to you in ten days.

Regards
SIMON

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 1 2005

To: Simon Napier-Bell
From: Bill Laforge, Cape Town, SA

Hi Simon

I want your advice. Like you I have a great dislike of religion. I'm also a songwriter and script writer and together with a friend have written a stage musical. It's a sort of reverse story of Christ. Some people walking in the desert find a man on a cross moaning with pain. They take him down, take him home with them, clean his wounds and look after him. To cut this precis short…

He recovers and goes about the town preaching to people that there is no God. Each year of his life goes backwards. Each year he gets a year younger. Eventually he is a teenager again, then a boy, then a baby and in the end he disappears up the vagina of the town's most notorious prostitute - the Hooker Mary.

I know this all sounds daft, but it's highly abbreviated. I promise you the show is very funny, totally offensive and will do brilliantly.

I'm looking for investors. Would you be interested in receiving a full script and some financial information?

Yours
BILL LAFORGE

Hi Bill

Sounds a bit grotesque to me. I'm not a great fan of preachers even if they preach the things I myself believe in. However, I like the bit about him climbing into the whore's vagina. Why not put the whole script up there. Or perhaps use your arse instead.

Cheers
SIMON

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 31 2005

From: Timothy Gee, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hello Simon!

Did you see in Sunday's 'Observer' that the Roman Catholic church is considering refusing gay men for training in the priesthood?  No doubt you'll think this is no bad idea since it will mean less RC priests.

TIM

Hi Tim

You know how extreme my thoughts are on such matters. I have no sympathy for the church, nor for gay young men who wish to become priests (unless, perhaps, they're unusually good-looking and exceptionally good at kissing).

Frankly - anyone dim enough to choose Christianity as a calling doesn't deserve the good-fortune to be born gay in the first place.

Lv
SIMON

TUESDAY AUGUST 30 2005

From: Sheikh Hassan AK, Bahrain
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hey Simon

London was great fun man. Missed you on the last night but the party shall continue when we meet again. The Kasabian gig was amazing, but it was nothing we couldn't top.

I must say when I saw the list of things we needed to do in our ten day's I didn't think we could accomplish half the list. Somehow we did, and had a blast at the same time (too bad the guys missed out on Sketch).

Your piece on me and the band is fucking cool. This piece is special because it marks the beginning of a new time in my career. I'm leaping with excitement just thinking about what's coming up next. I couldn't be happier.

Rock n fucking roll!

HASSAN

MONDAY AUGUST 29 2005

From: Randy Shengen, California
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hey Simon

I've just been reading about your Sheikh. What is it he does that makes his music so special apart from leap in the air?

RANDY

Hi Randy

His music is his own. No modern-day music-biz intrusion. He writes his own songs in a style reminiscent of early seventies rock, and his musicians play them in much that style too. But more importantly, the attitude is that too. No record company input, no stylist, no-one from outside imaging the band, and best of all, no A&R man in the studio trying to change every track to suit the dance market, or the marketing campaign, or his own little ego. Nor will there be!

Hassan is going to do this with his own record label and not fall into the trap of tying himself up with the majors. As a result when the public get to see him and his band they'll be seeing the real people and hearing the real music they make. That just isn't happening in the music business today.

It's a blast of fresh air.
SIMON

SUNDAY AUGUST 28 2005

From: Stefan C. Attril, UK
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Simon - are you aware that Mick Karn's official site has been 'Hi-Jacked' by a Turkish Hacker? It appears it is in defiance of USA 's involvement with Iraq , in English it reads: 'NO USA NO WAR!!! FREEDOM IRAQ '

Reviewing books, magazines etc involving Mick I found he was always and I understand, still is quite outspoken; I wonder what he will make of this?

What's your viewpoint Simon?

I do enjoy reviewing your webpage and on occasions find your contributions quite a 'hoot'. Keep those comments flowing and make our day!

Regards
STEFAN C. ATTRIL

Hi Stefan

Glad you find my comments a hoot. I shall continue to try hooting regularly.

At least hijacking websites is a relatively passive form of protest. Perhaps it should be everyone's aim to be outspoken enough to be in danger of it. Maybe the Vatican is planning a hijack on me this very minute. However, when I looked at Mick Karn's website today it was as usual – stylish and calm, with no hint of having been taken over.

Cheers
SIMON

SATURDAY AUGUST 27 2005

From: Matt Johnson
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

Just wandering around the net looking for details of you and Vicki Wickham, and stumbled on the site.

I take your point about religion, but the important difference between Islam and Christianity is that the latter has moved on significantly since the days of witch burning, while the former...

The reason for the search was that I just found a record on your label by Francoise Pascal. Then I see your site and find you are commenting that someone else's records are unlistenable ! Pot:Kettle. Well perhaps that's not fair, at least the track and arrangements on side 1 were very good. It wasn't your fault that she couldn't sing: Perhaps there was another reason you recorded her ?

Anyhow, good to see things are proceeding pleasantly.

Best regards
MATT JOHNSON

Hi Matt

It was more than thirty years ago that I recorded Francoise Pascal. I've no recollection why I was persuaded to do so. I agree with you that she couldn't sing. I seem to remember she was starring in a TV soap, or a new porn movie, or such like.

Recently someone had the dreadful idea of putting together a CD of all the records released on the SNB label (circa 1967-9). They sent it to me and it was certainly no fun to listen to. Perhaps it would have been a good idea if someone had been as blunt with me then as I was with Rebecca's songs. However the point to make is… Rebecca's songs are beautifully played, beautifully constructed and beautifully sung. It's just that the lyrics and intellectual thought behind them are based in primeaval thought, nursery rhymes, black magic, voodoo, downright loopiness and insidious evil – i.e. Christianity. (My opinion of course, not hers - and we remain good friends).

Best regards
SIMON

FRIDAY AUGUST 26 2005

From: Gordon Salinas, Exeter, Devon
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

How come you're slagging off the Pope on one side of your web page and advising someone how to protect the copyright to her Christian song on the other side?

What's up with you?
GORDON SALINAS

Hi Gordon

For one thing, Rebecca's a friend and the Pope isn't. But don't think I let her off the hook about her Christian songs. When she sent me her album for my opinion a few months ago I told her it was unlistenable to. As a devout atheist I found the lyrics to be nonsensical rubbish, if not downright offensive.

But though I disagree with the content of Rebecca's songs I don't see why anyone should have the right to use them without normal copyright accreditation and payment.

Cheers
SIMON

THURSDAY AUGUST 25 2005

From: Rebecca Walker-Jones, Georgia, USA
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Simon

I hope you and Yo are having a good summer. It is so hot and humid here in Georgia I can hardly stand it!

I am so sorry to bother you with yet another question but I am in need of some good advice.

Last Thursday Mick Jagger got up on stage on "Good Morning America" and sang 4 lines from my "Call Yourself A Christian?" song. I found out about it because my phone started ringing off the hook with people telling me The Rolling Stones were singing my song!! Unbelievable as it may seem I met with some entertainment/IP attorneys today who tell me that yes I can prove copyright (I have registration papers dated march 9th) and yes the lines are substantial enough to be deemed copyright but that I have to prove Jagger had access. Well, the song has been played quite often on Vibes Radio and Wave Radio out in South Florida, Trinidad, Tobago, Jamaica and the rest of the Caribbean (I have the programme directors putting together their playlists for me tomorrow) and of course Jagger owns a home in Mustique where (according to the internet) he wrote most of his new songs earlier this year. On top of that the song has been available for download on i-tunes since 5th April. Jackson also had a copy back in March but I personally think that's a tenuous link back to Virgin Records - the attorney seems to think this is important.

Things have begun moving for me here - I was recently featured in Christian Living magazine and I am now being asked to play at different churches and Christian events - for example in May 2006 I have been asked to speak at Mount Paran Church of God (which has a congregation of 8,000). That particular song is the cornerstone of what I am trying to get across about the state of religion today and I am furious that it has been used in a negative way. My four lines have been in every major newspaper both here and in the UK and The Stones are using them not only to promote their new album and upcoming tour but also to point a political finger at Bush's administration.

So.........help (!) what do you think I should do? If the attorney won't take it on contingency do you think I should pay them to fight it? What about press? Should I ride this train and use the publicity however I can? Am I crazy to even think about fighting The Rolling Stones? If you were managing me what would you do?

Thanks Simon - I really value your opinion.

Love
REBECCA

Hi Rebecca

You're all meant to be Christians. Why rush to war? Mick is rich and not unreasonable. Best to start politely with the presumption that the other side didn't plan to steal your song. That way feathers aren't ruffled and things can get sorted out more quickly. Once you've started on an aggressive tack, it's difficult to back off.

Contingency is certainly the only way to do it. Otherwise the lawyer will make more money by acting in the most aggressive way to ensure that the response escalates things.

Best of luck with it
SIMON

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 24 2005

From: Tony Lynch, Port Douglas, Australia
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Well hello Simon Napier-Bell

It's been a long time, but  I do hope that you remember me. I have just come across your very interesting web page, and read the reviews on your books, and ordered all three. (So I hope they're good!)

I see that you are living in Thailand , so we are almost neighbours. I am fit and healthy and now living in Port Douglas, which is 60 kls north of Cairns , in far north Queensland . You seem to be living a very exciting life, so if you find time, it would be good to hear from you. Meanwhile, I shall give you a brief outline of my life since we last met 35 yrs ago.

I stayed on in Sydney until 1978, then left to open a restaurant on the Gold Coast with two partners, it was called ‘Oskars On The Beach' and was literally on Greenmount beach, with stunning views 20 miles up the coast to the high-rise's of Surfers Paradise. We had a crown lease (which means that the State Government owned the land). We ran it for almost twenty years, turning it from a run down cafe to Queensland 's most awarded restaurant, winning amongst others ten American gold plate awards, hall of fame awards, and the best was when British Airways voted us as one of the top twenty restaurants in the world. Not bad for a scouser.

When the lease came up for renewal the Government decided not to renew the lease, we took it to court and lost, so we had a year to vacate the premises.

By this time l'd had enough of restaurants and the general public, so l decided to retire at 57. I stayed on in Surfers Paradise for a few more years then came to sleepy Port Douglas, which is about 2,500 kilometres north of Brisbane . No traffic lights, fast food outlets, or cinemas. I have been here about 18 months, but still not sure if l like it. I have very good life long friends living here so that makes it much easier.

I bought a small villa about 4 minute walk to the beach, so l exercise daily walking on the beach.

Take care and my best regards to you both .

Good luck at the GALA'S
TONY (think of Liverpool ) LYNCH

Well blow me down! Thirty-five years and not a peep and then, suddenly, there you are.

Fantastic to hear from you. I couldn't have had a nicer surprise than to check my emails and find one from you. It totally justifies all the work the website takes to run if it means old friends like you can make contact.

Your restauranteuring sounds masterful. What a pity you gave it up before I knew where your restaurant was and could visit it. Still, I agree, there comes a time when enough is enough. Yet in my case, although I've given up pop management half a dozen times, I always seem to slide back into it. It's quite an addiction. Like right now – I'm back in London and working on a new project just when I'd promised myself I never would again.

When you've received the books and read them, I'd love to know what you think. Meanwhile, I've put Port Douglas on my ‘essential places to visit' list, though I've no idea when I might get to Australia .

Very, fantastically good wishes to you
SIMON

TUESDAY AUGUST 23 2005

From: Dave Buckwell, Dorking, Surrey
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

Your piece about the pope reminds me of the anti-religious raves of Richard Dawkins. I love them. He gets it so right. Like when he says…

“If religious beliefs had any evidence going for them, we might have to respect them in spite of their concomitant unpleasantness. But there is no such evidence. To label people as death-deserving enemies because of disagreements about real world politics is bad enough. To do the same for disagreements about a delusional world inhabited by archangels, demons and imaginary friends is ludicrously tragic.”

By the way, I recently read that, while atheists make up 8-10% of the population at large, they only make up 1% of the population in prison. I think this shows clearly that religion and moral behavior are completely unrelated.

DAVE

MONDAY AUGUST 22 2005

From: Anthony Wieler, Feathercombe, Surrey
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Simon (and YO)

I have had a "delivery failure" trying to send Ron Franklin an economic report by one of my bright friends. As he never corresponds with me, I would never know if he dies or changes his address. Do you know if he has done one or other of these???

Lots of love to you two
ANTHONY

Hi Anthony

As of last week Ron had neither moved nor died but he might have a new email address. I'll find out and forward it to you.

Love
SIMON (& YO xxx)

SUNDAY AUGUST 21 2005

From: Jeremy Descant, Cape Town, S.A.
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Dear Simon Napier-Bell

It is lamentable that someone of your obvious literary talent should stoop to using a word of such trite vulgarity to substantiate a point of view that is so personally offensive to all people of religion. If you feel you have a substantive position with regard to your atheistic beliefs, do you not see how much better served you would be by expressing yourself in cogent and socially acceptable language?

JEREMY DESCANT

Dear Jeremy

I offer no apology for the way I feel, nor for the words I use. As for ‘fuckwittedness', I can think of no word in the Oxford Dictionary which better describes the delusional belief that there is an omnipotent God watching over our lives.

SIMON

FRIDAY AUGUST 19 2005

From: Lee (James) Choon, Brussels
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hello Simon

I am James Choon from Brussels-Beijing DKT publishing group. We met in Hong Kong earlier this year when you doing an interview at RTF radio.

I am involved in putting together an international guide to fine Chinese dining. The objective is to create something like the Michelin guide but for Chinese food throughout the world. One rosette will be for simply great food and perfect preparation. Two rosette for more inventive food coupled with fine surroundings and service. Third rosette - perfection in everything, as with three rosette Michelin restaurants.

Before our inspectors start travelling the world checking restaurants, we plan to compile an intitial short-list of 1000 establishments through questioning several thousand people who are well-known travellers and lovers of fine food. These people will be of all sorts – business men, politicians, show-business, and just ordinary tourists.

If you could find the time, I would like you to tell me the three best Chinese restaurants you have eaten at anywhere in the world in the last two years taking all things into consideration including comfort and ambiance as well as food. Also, a list of ten people whom you think would be suitable for us to contact and ask the same question.

Thank you for your help in this.
LEE (JAMES) CHOON

Hi James

Sounds like a pretty good idea. Give me a couple of days to think of the ten best people to help you with this. I'll send them on to you later.

Re the best three Chinese restaurants. Undoubtedly the one I would consider first for some sort of equivalent of a Michelin rosette (two rosettes, I would think) would be the Chinese restaurant in the Shangri-La hotel in Shanghai – Fook Lam Moon. Service, ambiance, quality of cooking and ingredients – as good as classic Chinese food can come. Extraordinary comfort, magnificent view and an overwhelming wine list.

In London , Hakasan, although becoming very over trendy, really is as good as they say - always interesting in a way most Chinese restaurants are not.

In Bangkok , the Chinese restaurant attached to the Oriental Hotel, has food almost the equal of the Fook Lam Moon, but with the additional ingredient of Thai service, which is the best in the world

Hope this helps
SIMON

THURSDAY AUGUST 18 2005

From: Julian Akin, Richmond, Surrey
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

I hear you're in London. And that you're managing someone again. Is this the guy we read about on your website last month – the one from Bahrain? When are we going to hear more about him?

Tell, tell tell!!

JULIAN

Hi Julian

Hope you're well. Sorry I haven't called. I'm in London, but for the moment… busy.

You've heard right. I am working with ‘the guy from Bahrain '. He's a 29 year old Bahraini, a truly bright guy who studied in the USA then went back to Bahrain and built up his family business for four years. Now he feels he's earned the right to spend a few years doing what he always wanted – playing rock music.

He's really something - both his singing and songwriting. And the musicians he has with him are equally special, particularly the American drummer. I think a year from now everyone will have heard of this group. It would be a brilliant thing too, to have an Arab rock singer in the American Top 50. Still – you'll have to wait a bit.

The band is called Brothermandude. It will start recording an album in October. Producer is Mark Wallis (whose credits include U2, Travis, the Stranglers). By April next year we hope to have them on tour in the USA . I'll probably not manage them in the long term, just oversee the project from start to success – then leave it in someone else's hands.

Regards
SIMON

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 17 2005

From Paul Rymerster, www.nightporter.co.uk
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

Thank-you for the lovely compliments regarding nightporter.co.uk. The site will have its 10th anniversary in 2006 which I think is quite an achievement.

A little known fact - I never wanted to do a Japan website. I wanted to do one for the Yellow Magic Orchestra. I found though, that there were lots of those and none of any substance for Japan . So I dug out all my old vinyl, listened to it for the first time as an adult and the rest is history. I did have a web counter on the page but I took it off after it hit a million sometime in 1997 and I thought it would not give me quite as much of a thrill ever again.

Some people might think it's a bit pointless to write about a group that split up over twenty years ago, but my reasoning is that all of the ex-members are active in the music industry and that makes people want to see where they came from. I'm always finding out about new things about the group, and sometimes I have found that previously well established "facts" were in fact completely untrue - my favourite example being when one of the ex-Japan members told me that my baby pictures of David Sylvian and Steve Jansen were actually Richard Chadwick and your good self.

I've gone on long enough - Simon you're a star!

PAUL

Hi Paul

Yeah – it was a funny story about that photo of me. A Japanese magazine had asked for baby pictures of each of the members of Japan . At the time they were huge in Japan and had a vast fan club mostly of teenager girls. David and Steve didn't have a single baby picture between them, their parents just hadn't ever photographed them. I had hundreds because my mother was a professional photographer. So I grabbed one (it's on my CV page now) and sent it off to the magazine. Japan 's young girl fans fell in love with it. They made drawings and paintings from it and sent them to David (hundreds and hundreds of them) and the photo was published in every Japanese pop paper and magazine and lots of papers in other countries too. But it was me – drinking out of a mug when I was four.

No-one ever knew about it till you told them – you spoil sport.

All the best
SIMON

TUESDAY AUGUST 16 2005

From: Tony Sontana, Cuba
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Dear Simon

I wonder if you can recall anything of the meeting between David Sylvian and Andy Warhol in the New York of 1982?
I understand you were going to have Japan record a single with Warhol? (and Quentin Crisp)?!

Also, I wonder what the contents of your photo albums look like and have you ever thought about publishing them?

Thank you
TONY SONTANA

Hi Tony

I remember well when David Sylvian met with Andy Warhol. You're right, it was in 1982. Japan were in New York finishing off a very strange and very small tour for Arista Records.

David had always been a huge fan of Warhol's. For years he'd said that Warhol's book from ‘A toB and Back Again' was his favourite book. Strangely, when they met, David seemed disappointed. I can understand why. I'd first got to know Andy in the sixties and felt much the same. He was such a big presence media-wise and art-wise, but in person he seemed so much less. I don't remember Japan making any serious plans to make a record with him.

They certainly didn't with Quentin Crisp. That was something I did on my own. I recorded him doing the old Peggy Lee song 'Where Did They Go?'. He half spoke it and half drawled it. Rather good, I thought. But it was never released, though I can't remember why. I still have a tape of it somewhere. Quentin wrote a chapter about the experience in his next book.

Re the contents of my photo album. It's true I have hundreds of photos, but not of the artists I managed, nor of me with them. I always felt they suffered enough from endlessly intrusive press photographers. As a result I avoided snapping them or asking them to take pictures with me

Best regards
SIMON

MONDAY AUGIUST 15 2005

From: Lee Estepona, Oregon, USA
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

I went to one of those weblinks under your piece this week and found an extraordinary comment from the Iranian Interior Minister....

He said people overseas should stop protesting about the execution of those two teenagers and think instead about the wonderful job the Iranian judiciary did in convicting them correctly according to the law.

With people that far from understanding the ways of the West what hope is there of Iran ever becoming a 'normal' country? It even set me thinking President Bush might have been right when he said Iran was part of an 'axis of evil'.

My God! Me saying President Bush was right about something??? Whatever's happening?

Yours
LEE

SUNDAY AUGUST 14 2005

From: Mary Cigarettes, Hertfordshire, England
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon...

I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your feelings over those poor boys in Iran. Sometimes it's so easy to feel numbed by the goings on in our world, but that horrific photo shook me to the core.

Those boys..so young...so alone..the fear they must have been going through at that moment. You yourself gave good food for thought over it. You gave it context....

...our freedom.

Shocked and bewildered
GREGORY

SATURDAY AUGUST 13 2005

From: Kathy Raper, Terence Higgins Trust
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Simon

I hope you are well.

On the evening of Thursday 29th September, Caroline Quentin is hosting an exclusive dinner party at Gordon Ramsey's, Claridges. This intimate dinner party will be held for approximately twenty guests in the private dining room and will be in support of Terrence Higgins Trust. Caroline has invited some of our very special friends - many of whom you will be familiar with from the world of entertainment - and she would be delighted if you and a guest could join her.

I would be grateful if you could let me know if you are available so I can reserve a place for you.

We were so sorry you were not able to join us at the Gala Dinner this year and it would be fantastic if you could make this.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Kind regards
KATHY

Hi Kathy

That would be fine. I shall be in London for the G&LA awards at the Savoy on the followinig evening.

There will be two of us - me and my partner Yotin.

Best regards
SIMON

FRIDAY AUGUST 12 2005

From: Iain Cooper, Dubai
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

Don't know if you remember a CNN anchor called Riz Khan [he had a huge global show called Q&A]. Was also with BBC radio in the UK and an integral part of the launch team of BBC World. He was also the first person to cover the Pilgrimage to Mecca live for a western news channel.

Anyway, he has just signed up with Al Jazeera's new English language news service to host a live interview show from Washington . I know him quite well through a project I did for the Dubai Government. He plays the drums. Loves music.

He is a trustworthy guy and a good friend. He may come in rather useful in future. I sent him your weblink and gave him a brief outline of the Brothermandude project. Here's what he replied….

”It's a wonderdful piece in the making. I'd certainly like to follow up on it… Al Jazeera International is due to launch first quarter of next year, but it's possible I'll get the chance to put together some special documentaries and features before that so that they can air as soon as we launch. It would be good to profile the Sheikh and then get him on as a guest once my new show is up and running. By showing the doc first, the interest would be generated... and then there would be a great follow up by getting him on live to an international Q&A audience.”

Looks good, eh?
IAIN

Hi Iain

That's sounds great. Frankly, it's just what I was hoping for. With luck, providing what comes out of the studio sounds really top-notch, we should get this sort of reaction everywhere - I mean, Time magazine, Newsweek, that sort of thing.

Anyway – recording comes first.

Mark Wallis seems to be up for it. We're going to meet him at his studio in London next Tuesday. Mark thinks Hassan has star quality and sexiness in his voice, and that the songs have a sufficiently Eastern chord structure to sound immediately different from other stuff. He also thinks, sung well, Heart Attack is a hit single.

Overall, he thinks the whole thing needs a bit of 'grooving up' - Hendrix/Kravitz style. On the whole he said he 'loves it to mintballs'.

See you in London on Monday
SIMON

THURSDAY AUGUST 11 2005

From: Frank Tyler, Belfast
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

I've just finished reading Black Vinyl White Powder and today I'm going to go and buy your new book. I was just wondering, what books, if any, do you like to read? Are you reading any at the moment?

FRANK T

Hi Frank

Sure I read. But not as much as I should. A couple of weeks ago at the airport I picked up Bill Bryson's Notes From A Small Island, and hated it. He went to all the place in Britain I would most avoid, and travelled exactly as I wouldn't, by local bus and on foot. And he's so boringly jokey all the time.

To try and found some travel writing I liked better I bought Paul Theroux's Dark Star Safari, overland from north to south of Africa. First time I've really got to like him - I mean not just the book, but him too. He didn't seem as chip-on-the-shoulder as ususal.

Then I found Donald Richie's Japan Journals in a second-hand bookshop and have been reading it in bits and pieces everytime I pop out for some lunch or a coffee. Great insights into everything to do with Tokyo, from visits by famous foreigners to sex in the bushes.

Next to my bed is Rough Music by Patrick Gale. I can't decide if I like it or not but I'm certainly getting to sleep quicker than usual.

SIMON

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 10 2005

From: Vicki Wickham, New York
To: Simon Napier-Bell

It's good to have people in 'high places'!!! Thanks so much for sorting out the PRS problem.   We should get a couple of extra bob in the next statement - always nice.

Hope you and Yo are good.   When are you next in London to collect your Glad to be Gay (I know it's not called that!!!) Award?

Lotsoflove
WICKSxxxxx

Hi Wicks

Well that's just what it is, isn't it - a 'Glad Top be Gay' award. I mean - if I deserved an award for anything purposeful I've done in the music industry I surely would have been given one of the hundreds of music industry awards. This nomination is simply because I've thrown my name about in the music industry AND I'm gay. A bit like giving a mediocre ladies' hairdresser an award simply because he's straight.

Still - I'm grateful for all novel titillations. The dinner should be fun.

I seem to remember sitting next to you through a strange 'all ladies' event at Grosvenor House when you were getting an award simply for being a woman.

Love
SIMON

TUESDAY AUGUST 9 2005

From: Dan Gurissimo, Boca Raton
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

hey simon

that lady Ilena who wrote to you yesterday sound like a dangerous dude – gets people thinking in the fourth dimension and that sort of thing

keep people away from her man – if they want to go where she's offering to take ‘em, tell ‘em to do it the proper way, man - with mescalin or acid or angel dust or whatever's cool these days – that way when they get bored with it they can quit

if they do it by this lady's method – all talking and one-on-one mind-bending – well, once they get there they may never get back again - they'll end up being on Haloperidol the rest of their lives

DAN GURISSIMO

MONDAY AUGUST 8 2005

From: Irina Wiehl, Stuttgart
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Mr Napier-Bell

I would like to introduce you to my ‘Angel Courses'.

As a child it was once feared I was suffering from psychological symptoms of deficiency. In my teen years it became evidenced that my abilities were not explainable with scientific means but were natural gifts manufactured from contact with angels. I now lecture on the potential of the unbelievable. In clearer words – I am a personal trainer in evolutionary consciousness. I think this may be of great use to your musical artists in the creation of their popular songs.

I would be most grateful for your introducing one of them to me for a trial of my consciousness extension system, ‘Finding Angels', a qualitatively high-rated seminar that makes it possible to enter into new external sources of knowledge.

In respect
IRINA WIEHL

Hi Irina

Sounds a buzz! Top ten hits guaranteed, eh? I'm afraid most of my artists get in touch with angels through more chemically related methods.

All the best
SIMON

SUNDAY AUGUST 7 2005

From: Li (Tony) Chow, Beijing
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hello Simon

I dont know that you remember me. We were talking together in the lobby bar of Four Seasons in Beijing last year. I was doing PR for the hotel and telling you about the new Chinese wine industry, that it is now making good red as well as white. remember? I made you taste three vintage year of Great Wall cabernet, and you like all three - now I'm sure you begin to remember, OK?

I saw in your website yesterday you say you will begin in writing about restaurants and best meals. The day we met in the Four Season bar you said youve been that night to State Guest House and had an enjoyable meal. I really hope that meal will be in your top 50. But what I want to tell you about is something else - its about a famous meal that once was eaten in the State Guest House.

It was in 1993. It was call the "Feast of Complete Manchu-Han Courses". 35 Chinese, and some foreigners too were invited, and everyone was dressed up as Qing Dynasty – one man was emperor, and there was empress and court officials and even concubines. The banquet was consisted of 130 dishes, some hot some cold and it took six eating session to complete - three days of dinners and lunches each day– it included bear paw, tiger's kidney, roasted deer, root of ginseng, hump of camel, sharks fin soup, softshell turtle and many types of fish skin. Now many of the animals will be protect, so that's the last time anyone ever gonna eat this meal.

Hope you mention the State Guest House.

Yours with regard
TONY CHOW

Hi Tony

From the sound of your letter, you're now doing PR for the State Guest House. And yes, of course I remember you – well, to be more truthful, I DON'T!

But I do remember someone talking to me in the bar at the Four Seasons and introducing me to Chinese reds. They weren't bad – nor great either. They felt like a good start with promise for the future. Rather like Japanese reds were thirty years ago (and now the Japanese are making some really robust reds, absolutely worth laying down for ten years). I also remember that you drank two glasses of wine to each one of mine, then left me with the tab. Still – I guess that's the life of a PR.

Re your description of that amazing banquet, it sounds just dreadful – not the food, or the dressing up – just the idea of coming back to the table six times. But re the State Guest House, I will certainly mention it in my Top 50 meals.

It won't be because the food was good but because I had such an incredibly enjoyable evening. It was the most bizarre bunch of people – a Chinese cabinet minister, a faith-healing Buddhist doctor from Hong Kong, the head of China Records, a princess from Tonga, the son of a British lord who ran Friday night at Heaven – I mean… with all those people plus a heap to drink, how could it not be worth writing about, even though the food was mediocre.

So you'll get your wish.

All the best
SIMON

SATURDAY AUGUST 6 2005

From: Lisa Baniff, Southampton, England
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

I've been reading your website for some weeks now and I really like it when you talk about food. But you don't do it much. I mean it's pretty obvious you really like eating so why not do a piece on food each week, or a restaurant review, or something like that. I think lots of people would like it. Like that thing Michael Winner does in the Sunday Times in London. I mean you could be like a nicer version of him, he's such a sourpuss and I'm sure nobody likes him.

Please think about it. I'm sure it would go down well with lots of the people who come to your website.

Yours
LISA

Hi Lisa

Funny. I'd already started working on it. Not quite what you suggested because I just don't have time to write something else each week, because, besides posting something every week on the website, I'm also working on a new book and doing consultancy work.

What I've been planning is to take a twelve month period and write about the fifty most enjoyable meals I had. It won't always be the best restaurants, but the ones where I enjoyed myself most. Sometimes the company might have been better than the actual meal. Other times, in a really top restaurant, the atmosphere can seem a bit too stiff to enjoy the company to its max.

The restaurants I write about will have to have great food, atmosphere and service, but although some of them may be amongst the worlds Top 50, others will just be neighborhood places.

Should be ready in a couple of weeks – Fifty Most Enjoyable Meals Last Year.

Cheers
SIMON

FRIDAY AUGUST 5 2005

From: John Booth, Pattaya, Thailand
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

I hope your excuse to "get out on the town" last night is all smiles today lol it was sure a lot of fun

I was thinking after reading your web page..... Who lived next door to Lionel Bart one of my dear friends for many years also he was 6 Reeves Mews South Kensington but Francis Bacon lived next door, in very scowled conditions you have a few pages to fill there with all his antics and the Pattaya connection with Jon Edwards who I use to have breakfast with twice a week in his RC Penthouse Apartment previously belonging to Louis Fassbind the previous Manager of the Royal Cliff Hotel Mr.. Pattaya they use to call him, also Johns Thai Boyfriend Joe whom I was dining with 3 nights ago is still battling with Johns first Boyfriend phillip who received the Lions share of all the estimated billion dollar fortune left buy jon amazing place Pattaya and the gay world of the 60s/70s are we not blessed we were there to live it Simon.

Amazing how your mind wonders when you start to think of the past if I wrote a book about what I use to see and do from the 60s onwards I think I would not be long for this world the alternative Pop scene............... Just one of the many scenes to my patchwork of a memory from the past lol

JOHN

Hi John

I thought you said you weren't drinking. You sound as pissed as a monkey's wotsit.

SIMON

THURSDAY AUGUST 4 2005

From: David Sounds , Guatamala City
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hello Simon

I just found your website on the internet. It took me quite a while to realize that I know you… and you me… in fact, for a while we knew each other pretty well… about an hour. You're not going to remember but here's the story.

November 1960 I was in Times Square… it was election night ... Nixon v Kennedy... the place was jammed with people and amazingly exciting… the results were flashing up on a neon billboard... coming in from all over the country… then I somehow found myself next to you and we got talking.

I was 20 and I think you were about the same age… I was at acting school… thought I was going to be the next James Dean or Marlon Brando.

It didn't take us a second to know what we both wanted to do and I took you back to my room which was on 50 th Street. You stayed for about an hour then we both went back to Times Square and I never saw you again. Funnily enough I've always remembered your name.

Any chance you remember me? These days I run a small restaurant in Guatamala City… long story but I could fill you in if you wanted.

DAVID

Hi David

That's amazing. I didn't remember your name but I certainly remembered the event. You shared a room and were nervous your room-mate might come back while we were at it. He was straight and didn't know you were gay. Then just as we were leaving, he DID come back, and he had a trick with him. So you'd both discovered each other's secret.

And another thing I remember, you were wearing a pale blue sweater. Slightly fluffy.

Why Guatamala? And whatever happened to the new James Dean?

Cheers
SIMON

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 3 2005

From: Peter Robertson, Daily Express
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

Any funny stories about the Wham! song or video Club Tropicana? It always gets played a lot at this time of the year particularly.

PETER

Hi Peter

Re Club Tropicana. I think all the stories have been told. Here's a resume...

Many people thought Wham! were getting glitzy and beyond their key audience rushing off to film a video in Ibiza. In fact, the song came to George in the days when he and Andrew were skint and went out on the town once a week with little more than a couple of quid between them. They used to go to a very tacky club in Greek Street called the Beat Route - it had mouldy carpet, stank of damp, etc - if you'd ever seen it with the lights on you'd be sick at the thought you'd been there - that sort of place. But it had good music and it was all they could afford. So everytime he went there, as he was going in the door, George would force himself into a fantasy and imagine he was going into the most beautiful club in the world - Club Tropicana.

When it came time to make the video, CBS records behaved the worst possible. Wham! had already had three Top Ten singles but CBS wouldn't come up with a decent budget for it. They offered just ten thousand pounds - the cheapest we could do a video in Ibiza was thirty thousand pounds. Jazz Summers and I had just taken over their management and George just said, ‘OK, you're our manager, you sort it out'. Then he went off to Cyprus for a summer holiday, refusing to come back until we'd sorted it out. So we went off searching for money from other sources - Wham!'s publishers came up with some, and a few other people. When the video was finished, I was at CBS one day when the managing director, Paul Russell, was showing it to a visiting American and boasting how well CBS looked after it's top artists, paying for really classy videos, etc.

The video was shot in Pikes Hotel in the hills in Ibiza . It's a hotel which often gets visiting film and pop stars. They'd booked one suite each for George and Andrew, and a further suite for the two girls to share - Shirlie and Dee. But when they were checking in George insisted, ‘No, we'll all stay together in the same suite'. Which set tongues wagging round the hotel.

The director was Duncan Giddings who later died in his own swimming pool in Hollywood . His house had caught fire and he rushed back inside to rescue his cat which was caught inside and howling. Duncan was terribly burned. He rushed out a few minutes later and threw himself in the pool, where he died since he had insufficient skin left on his body to keep himself warm. (There was a terrible picture of him in the papers at the time, in the pool, the firemen trying to comfort him). It seemed ironic really since I'd only ever known him through making a happy swimming-pool video in Ibiza .

There - if you can make anything out of that you're a tabloid genius (which you probably are!!)

Cheers
SIMON

TUESDAY AUGUST 2 2005

From: Broonzy J, U.K.
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

hi simon…

i do everything you say… have a singing lesson.. learn the drums.. do the songs again and change it all.. i send you a new tape one months ago and youre still not come back tell me what you think.. come on simon.. don't say this to me and now no anser.. how's the new tape - ok??? this time its more blues..

BROONZY

Hi Broonzy

I receive dozens of tapes. Most of them are bad (yours was one), some are better (thank goodness). In your case, the music was terrible, the songs worse and your voice ghastly. I told you – ‘Spend a year taking singing lessons and learn to play an instrument'.

The fact that you sent me a new tape four weeks later rather suggests you didn't follow my advice. I threw it straight in the waste bin. Send me another tape in a year's time and I'll listen.

Regards
SIMON

MONDAY AUGUST 2005

From: Anthony Reynolds, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hello Simon

I am just finishing up a biography on The Walker brothers, out on Helter Skelter Publishing early next year.

It seems plain wrong, somehow, not to have a contribution by yourself in it. Did you have any meetings, dealings, experiences with John, Scott or Gary? How about Maurice King, Johnny Franz, Barry Clayman? If so, please get in touch.

Sincerely
ANTHONY

Hi Anthony

Well, of course, anyone around on the pop scene with an act in and out of the top ten, would meet everyone else. When The Walker Brothers first started happening I was managing a duo - Diane Ferraz and Nicky Scott. We were doing a lot of live shows and were booked by Arthur Howes to do one in Southampton at which the Walkers would be headlining. We were opening the first half, Doris Troy was closing it. I've forgotten who was opening the second half, but the Walkers were headlining. Doris was an old friend so she drove down with me and Diane and Nicky in my absurdly show-offy Ford Thunderbird convertible - hood down, sunny day, the radio blaring (Kinks were number one that week with Lazin' On A Sunday Afternoon). Doris and Nicky rolled big joints in the back seat and induced me take a few puffs. As a result I took the wrong route and delivered us all to Brighton at just about the time Nick and Diane were due on stage in Southampton , which took us another hour to get to. End result - the second half acts did the first half, Diane and Nicky opened the second half and Doris topped the bill. She was well-pleased, but the Walkers were furious. (Except for Scott, who seemed to prefer it.)

Scott was always gentle and nervous and frequently got stage fright and wouldn't come out of the dressing-room. For some reason, Jonathan King seemed able to coax him out of it. But usually wasn't around to do so.

Hope this helps
SIMON

SUNDAY JULY 31 2005

From: Tony Masters , Ontario , Canada
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hey Simon

On the internet I found your top ten music books written for the Guardian's website. Because I've read your book Black Vinyl White Powder (and really enjoyed it too) I wanted to read these ten books you thought were so great. Four of them I'd already read before, and I've just finished the other ones. But one thing I don't understand – it's about 'Rock and the Pop Narcotic' by Joe Carducci. You say you disagree with almost everything he says, but love the book anyway. Well I thought it was a bore – so tell me, what the hell's so good about it?

Yours
TONY MASTERS

Hi Tony

For one thing – although he hates pop and refuses to recognise its potential for artistry (sometimes quite mindlessly, I think), he is so dead-on about contemporary black pop. Like this…

“What is currently missing across the board in black music (exceptions include the blues and serious jazz) is a real rhythm section that plays, gets sweaty, gets funky, gets down on to tape and heard. This jamlessness is so basic a bad trip that it is bound to haunt the next stages of black music. We can hope for an aesthetic backlash, but rap and hip hop and house it ain't”

That could have been written yesterday, but it was written 14 years ago. And nothing's changed.

So you see how dead-on he was. The true heart of black music - rhythm - has been well and truly fucked by the modern music business.

Cheers
SIMON

SATURDAY JULY 30 2005

From: Jessica Sharzer, Hollywood
To: Simon Napier-Bell, Thailand

Dear Mr. Napier-Bell

I'm a filmmaker based in Los Angeles . I am currently working on the Dusty Springfield story for Universal Studios. I will be in London for research and if you happen to be around - I would love to sit down with you and hear your thoughts about Dusty. If you won't be around, I'm wondering if you might be able to suggest anyone you think I should speak to.

Best wishes
JESSICA SHARZER

From: Simon Napier-Bell, Thailand
To: Vicki Wickham, New York

Hi Vicki

I got this request through.

Is this something you're ‘going with' or ‘fighting
against'. Let me know so I can play it the best for you.

Love
SIMON

From: Vicki Wickham, New York
To: Simon Napier-Bell, Thailand

I was going to 'consult' on this but the b*** lawyer was not only extraordinarily rude to me ..... too long a story. But I'M NOT involved and dislike them enormously.

Would love you not to talk to her please.   Thanks for asking!!!

Lots of love - your bitter, twisted WICKS

From: Simon Napier-Bell, Thailand
To: Jessica Sharzer, Hollywood

Hi Jessica

I live in Thailand and I'm not expecting to be back in the UK till around December.

As for other people who you might talk to, I've no idea. It seems most of us have died already. Sorry about that.

Best regards
SIMON

FRIDAY JULY 29 2005

From: Timothy Gee, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hello Simon!

I am thrilled that what you have done for gay men, by being frank about your sexual preferences and, possibly more important, treating the subject light-heartedly, is going to be acknowledged on September 30th at the Savoy . Congratulations. I hope the event gets coverage outside the invert press.

Whilst I am glad that Yo will be suitably attired, I trust that you will spend an equal amount on your own costume. With a good tailor you ought not to look a pound over 14 stone.

I do not know what picture is being painted overseas of life in London but really there is little that is out of the ordinary. The most inconvenient thing for me is that the central section of the Piccadilly line is out of action. As you never travel by tube, this will hardly be an inconvenience to you. Anyway the dinner is not for two months. A lot worse will have to happen for you to have problems. Indeed, I suspect that the good restaurants and other places that you patronise, may be easier to get into because tourists are staying away because of wildly overblown stories.

TIM

My dear Tim - what's all this about the ‘invert' press. What century are you living in? (Well, we've had this conversation before!!) Still – since your own reward for 'dedication to goodness' was a pat on the head from the Queen - I can see how insubstantial you think these GALA awards things are.

Now the serious business. Knowing that you recently had your own dinner jacket re-vamped by Bernard Weatherall for a price rather more than the 1st class airfare I will pay for me and Yo to fly to London for these awards, I can see that you feel quite smug in knowing that I shall not look as good as you (that is, should you should happen to attend).

Also – I'm delighted to know that you think I shall be safe on the tube (and in fact, I might even travel by it, simply as a gesture of defiance - but only one or two stops, then I shall revert to my usual above ground in-car comfort).

Love
SIMON

THURSDAY JULY 28 2005

From: Bobbi Marchini, Zakynthos, Greece
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon,

A client just gave me a beautiful cold bottle of bubbles..expensive.... French and enticing...that's 11 short of a dozen I know, BUT...if you promise to visit again I'll start stocking up on the rest. And I promise to warm the pool. I'll even track down that enchanting tattoo.

In the middle of the tourist season and sorely missing your mad company. Do say you'll "Come by here" again soon.

Did I tell you that I'm now Australian again? YES..they gave me back my nationality and passport. This is good!!

Love
BOBBI

Hi Bobbi

If I was you I'd get started on the champers sooner than later. Make the new Australian passport the excuse.

Glad to know you miss my 'mad' company. I'd love to be there again with you. As for that tatoo - well, it wasn't so much the tattoo, you know - it was the buttocks it was tatooed onto.

From now on, I'm not sure how my scehdule will be. It's beginining to look very hectic, not something I particularly wanted to happen again now I've discovered the quiet life on the beach.

Last night I got back from dinner with a friend to find something quite extraordinary. I've been nominated for 'Media Person of the Year' at the British 'Gay & Lesbian Awards', 'the GALAs'. What a laugh! Me! Someone who just fricks around enjoying life. Still, I won't be able to resist attending, and taking Yo too. Which should put a good big dent in the autumn budget - quite apart from the airfares and hotels, Yo will want a new outfit.

Last time we went to one of these big events he moaned and groaned about needing new clothes. It was the annual Terence Higgins Trust dinner, very star-studded, but only one evening for heaven's sake. Yet he wanted Prada shoes, Versace jacket, Armani trousers - even his damned belt cost 200 pounds. I paid up but grumbled. Then, when we got there, guess who we were sitting next to - Oswald Boateng - Britain's sharpest fashion designer! Imagine what a prick I'd have felt if I'd refused to buy them for him. We'd have been divorced by now. So, I suppose this time I'm going to be stuck again. Have to cut down on the champagne for a week or two afterwards though.

Lots of love
SIMON

WEDNESDAY JULY 27 2005

From: Mary Cigarettes, Hertford, England
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon...

Just having read your daily post, I have to say, the final paragraph is pretty impressive..

"9000 shags....30,000 wanks"

That's ruffly one shag to every four wanks... now that's what I call a proper studmuffin....

Ma and my friend Renee would like to have more information about your underware..he says your probably a boxer shorts kind of man...but I'm hoping it's white briefs...please say it's so....

7000 pairs of underpants truly impresses us, and we'd like you to send all used or worn out pairs to the following address[mine]....

Mary cigarettes
Ask-the-postman
Hertford
England

It would make our summer.

warmest regards
GREGORY GRAY

Dear Gregory

You realise, I hope, you're delving into very personal areas. Still, let's look at it…

During forty-five years or so of adult life I've had five gay relationships of some substance. They've all been potentally sexual – that is, during the first year together we've certainly averaged sexual congress 3 – 4 times a day, the second year perhaps half that, the third year, well, a third. Quick estimation – that's 2,235 shags a relationship, even if they stopped dead at the end of the third year. Times 5, makes 11,175. Add to that a half dozen minor relationships – i.e. shorter time but equally intensive shagging. Must be another 2,000. Then there's been the periods of intense promiscuity. In the late 70s, in Hong Kong and Bangkok , young men of all sort seemed to throw themselves at visiting Europeans. Say five more years of 3-4 some days, none others. Say, another 3,000? And so it goes. And between all those shag days, as you rightly point out, there must have been a few wank days. For the hell of it, let's say there were ten years of wank days – will 3 times a day suit you? If so, that's 10,000 wanks. Nevertheless, I've added another 20,000, just to plug the gaps so to speak. So you see…, if I estimated wrongly it looks like the shagging is underestimated not the wanking. The secret, you see, is relationships (good, big, horny ones) rather than promiscuity.

Now for the underpants. And there you've got me. (Though it is, as you hoped, briefs, but not always white, sometimes I go for nice pastel shades.)

I'm a two a day man – one in the morning and one after the early evening shower before going out to dinner. And for thirty-five years I've travelled continuously. Hotels charge more for washing underpants than the cost of buying new ones. Here in Thailand , nice freshly made cotton briefs are around US$2 – laundry charge in most five star hotels, $4-7. The answer - for a three week trip, buy forty briefs, use only new ones and throw the old ones in the waste bin. Scandalously sinful? Yes, I suppose it is. I should be sending them to Sudan or Ethiopia , but I'm not sure it's a gift that would be well received.

Nevertheless, I think 7000 over a lifetime seems like a lot. Maybe I pressed the wrong button on the calculator when I was adding up. So let's knock it back to a mere 3000.

As for sending my used ones to your Herfordshire retreat, I balk at the effort. However, if I send you my travel schedule, you could follow me round, bribing the hotel staff to retrieve them from the waste-bins each morning.

Always lovely to hear from you
SIMON

TUESDAY JULY 26 2005

From: Doichin, Sofia, Bulgaria
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hello Simon

I just finish your book I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch and I LOVE IT!! Specialy the amazing professor. I'm so jealous you know someone so brilliant. Last night I was on the web and found someone called Rolf Neuber... can be the same man maybe??? No I don't think so, age not right, besides, you say Professor Rolf in your book is died in 1987. This one is German gogo dancer over fifty. Can you believe it?? I found his advertisement. I think my English is not so magnificent but, my golly, it is better then this. 'Rolf Neuber - male gogo girl. He never get money but that was completely no matter to him, in went only around for the fun.'

DOICHIN

Hi Doichin

Glad you enjoyed the book. And no, you're right! The Rolf Neuber you found on the web couldn't be the Rolf Neuber in my book. Not only is the age wrong (Mr Professor Rolf would now be 80-ish) but as you point out he would have had to re-incarnate himself.

All the best
SIMON

Monday July 25 2005

From: Susan Napier-Bell, Hampton, England
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Si

Things have been very hectic. Marie moved to sheltered housing last month and although she wanted to it completely blew her short term memory. I spent a couple of hours each day helping her sort out what to take and what to jettison. On top of that my computer developed an appalling virus which made about 200 windows open in 30 seconds so it froze and collapsed. I picked up a spy ware disc from Jo and removed 103 illegal changes which righted things. I couldn't even photocopy with it which was a real pain as I had to copy endless paper work for Marie while her house was being sold. Her flat is rented. Her income from all sources is just over 100 pounds a week. Can you imagine!!!!! And her savings just 6000 pounds. Its lucky she doesn't realise how little she has.

On top of all that, Daisy and another dog collided with each other and me while I was walking in the park and knocked me over. I have twisted my knee and hit my head really hard on the ground twice as I bounced. I have a terribly stiff neck and painful knee and feel miserable and slow. Reg has booked his holiday . He arrives in Bangkok on the 12th February for the cooking course, then moves to Pattaya on the 17th for ten days, leaving on the 27th. I hope you will be there.

I am off to a concert with a friend tonight - Shostakovitch and Rhacmaninov which I can't remember how to spell. It must be the knock on the head.

I have finally had the pictures of your house printed. They are very good

Love to Yo (and you)
SUE

SUNDAY JULY 24 2005

From: Anton Renshawe-Strack, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

Hope you are well and all that.

I'm introducing a new column to SNOW (the wintersports magazine I edit). It's called 'Snow Selecta'. It features respected music experts who select some great albums for readers to download on to their iPods - a sort of soundtrack to your ski holiday.

SNOW has a very broad readership - it's available free on things like the Eurostar and Snowtrain, ski airports like Geneva, shops like Snow and Rock. Circulation is about 50,000, plus they're doing a version for the Indy in October. So the readers are anything but hardcore skiers, hence my focus is more on lifestyle than pure skiing.

The format for 'Snow Selcta' is as follows:

a. Five albums for the journey (name of album/artist, one line about why it's appropriate).

b. Five albums for the slopes.

c. Five albums for the evening.

The more eclectic the better - jazz, pop, whatever... mix it up. The idea being that music is mood rather than genre driven. So the 'five albums for the trip', however eclectic, should somehow fit the mood of being on the road (or in a plane). The 'five albums for the slopes' fit being in an grand outdoor setting, and more upbeat. The five for the evening could be anything else (what we do of an evening varying so much from day to day and person to person).

Is this something you might be interested in doing for one issue. In return we'd review your new book in our book review section.

Please let me know
ANTON

Hi Anton

I'm not mad about ski-ing. I only ever tried it once - in the Sierra Nevada , not far from Granada in Spain . Usually I prefer to go somewhere hot and take my clothes off, not somewhere cold and put extra clothes on. But since the Sierra Nevada is one of those places where you can ski in the morning then get back to a sunny beach in the afternoon, my friends managed to persuade me.

I failed miserably. My bum just wouldn't click into place on the ski lift and each time the hoist came round it kicked me in the arse and left me face down in the snow. After ten minutes of entertaining the other skiers, I gave up and retreated to a small hillock where an instructor was teaching ten year olds. But when I saw them learn in a flash what I knew would take me days, I took off my silly ski clothes and retired to the bar, jumping the gun on the après ski with a bottle of Malaga fino.

Later, another beginner - one who'd managed to get his arse onto the hoist and make it to the top - came careering down the slopes, right past the leisure centre and into the clear blue sky beyond the end of the slope – a mammoth ski jump into oblivion, the cliff falling as it does at that point a sheer two thousand feet.

A few hours later I was back on the beach in the sun with my friends, tucking into gambas al ajillo with a bottle of Riscal and feeling thoroughly satisfied with my decision to give the ski-ing experience a miss.

I shall call on these memories in trying to get my musical choices just right.

All the best
SIMON

SATURDAY JULY 23 2005

To: Candi Staton, Stone Mountain, Georgia
From: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Candi

Living in Thailand and not managing you anymore, I sometimes get withdrawal symptoms and want to know how you're doing. Did the Las Vegas musical project move any further forward? Is David Gest still serious about it? I'd love to know. And apart from that, how's Cassandra's waistline?

Here in Thailand , I'm working on yet another book and Yo's busy with interior design work. He seems to have turned out pretty brilliant at it.

Just keeping in touch. Lots of love
SIMON (and Yo) xxxxxxxxxxxx

It's so good to hear from you. I'm glad to know that you and Yo are doing fine. Congratulations on your "best seller" books, and lots of luck on your new one.

I am busy doing a new CD for EMI. It's a country-blues type CD. I wrote five songs on this one. Since the compilation did so well, they wanted to do a whole new album.

David Gest and I have been doing some writing together. As far as the tour is concerned, David has not mentioned it again, but that's David Gest. He keeps you "guesting"....

Cassandra says her waist line is smaller than ever! (smile 36-24-36!!!!!)

You and Yo stay safe. You guys are in my prayers.
Muuuucccch luv

CANDI & CASSANDRA

FRIDAY JULY 22 2005

From: Larry Ashmore, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Simon

Not manly kisses....manly HUGS. For kisses there's a charge.

XX are very chaste and anyhow they're paper kisses. Not worth the paper they're written on (as Sam Goldwyn used to say.)

LARRY

Larry. That's enough. This week you've hogged the 'Daily Post'. I'm not letting you back in for at least a month.

(And for such flagrant stage-grabbing you're reduced to just one worthless paper kiss)

SIMON x

THURSDAY JULY 22 2005

Larry Ashmore, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Simon

Only yesterday did I get around to reading the CV on your website. I was disappointed to see no mention of our great jaunt to Oz in 1975 to record a dozen arrangements of well known classics in MOR style entitled "Finders Keepers " with Australian rock musicians and the Sydney Symphony Orchestra.

When you heard my arrangement of Handel's Water Music you christened it "Heavy Water" and I remember you jumping up and down shouting " We're RICH !!" (Chance would be a fine thing.) At least we did get a spin-off for that track with the band of the Coldsteam Guards recording it together with some pretty choice rock musicians, including (I think), Jeff Beck. Terry Wogan loved it and played it often. Where in the Hit Parade did it ever get to?

Anyhow you should introduce me to your CV as one of your eccentric friends and colleagues. You see, my ego hasnt abated with age.

LARRY xxxx (but manly)

Larry, my dear, you have been duly added to my CV. My intention when I wrote it was to make it a basis for future touching up as and when I remembered omissions of interest or importance, or whenever friends complained. You're not the first. If you look through my correspondence column you'll see that one of my ex-boyfriends, Alec, complained vigourosly that he was 'no part of the print' in my life. For him too, I ammended the CV accordingly.

And re your 'manly kisses'. I hope you realise that for someone gay, like me, manly kisses are preferable.

SIMON xxxx (possibly less manly than yours)

WEDNESDAY JULY 20 2005

From: Brett Neal, Vence, France
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Dear Simon

Through a moment of sheer bordom and tiredness, jusback from Thailand and missing my boyfriend deadfully, I started surfing the net and by chance went from Bolan to you. I think I have visited every part of your wonderful and highly entertaining site!!

I dont know if you remember me but you helped me so much about twenty years ago as a struggling artist and thought you might like to know I am still painting sculpting and have my own gallery in the South of France. My web site is http://www.brettrn.com

I think you would really like the stained glass pieces!! I live here in France also but spend 6 months a year at home in Thailand. I thought you would like to know all your time and efforts were not in vain and I can see that you're very very well.

All the best with thanks
BRETT

Hi Brett

So great to hear from you. I had no idea you spent half your year in Thailand. We must meet up next time, or next time I'm in the South of France, which unfortunately these days is not often.

I looked at your website, and as always, loved your work. My boyfriend (fifteen years together now) is an interior designer and doing well. He does much more than decorate, he takes
houses and apartments to bits and totally rebuilds them, extends them, etc - a sort of interior architect/cum/decorator. He would love the opportunity to use one of your stained glass pieces. But unfortunately most of his clients draw the line at spending too much. They all seem to think the whole point about coming to Thailand is to keep things economical, even the very rich ones.

Let's make a promise to meet up whenever we get the opportunity.

All the best
SIMON

From: Brett Neal, Vence, France
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dearest Simon

Wonderful to hear back from you not only will I follow what you are doing via your site but it also makes a damn good read !!

I was born and bought up in Thailand so it was a natural thing really to return. I have the house and studios half way between Nakhon Sawan and Kampeang Phet in a tiny village called Wang Kaem, but we have built a modest but modern little house will all mod cons and we love it. I get alot of peace there and spend the entire winter there. I have not yet been able to get my boyfriend residency here but have no difficulty bringing him back and forth.

Your news sounds exciting and I'm very jealous of your keeping a relationship for 15 years!!! Really looking forward to seeing you. I have a book coming out (not words but pictures) and would love to send you a copy.

Lots of love to you both
BRETT

MONDAY JULY 18 2005

From: Larry Ashmore, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Simon

Thanks for your Email. and the condolences therein. Did you ever read "3 Men in a Boat"? Theres a passage where the hero, who has been reading a medical dictionary, finds he is now suffering all the medical conditions referred to in the text, except Housemaid's Knee.

Well, to reverse the whole story, I find I am pretty well OK except for my knees, and even they are a bit better as I have lost about 18 lbs plus since the op . I was put on an intraveinous drip of a powerful diuretic and liquid simply poured out of me and I lost 9 kilos in 2 days. Whereupon the doctors took fright as weight loss at this speed is not to be recommended.

So I'm more than back to normal and now have to start all that boring process of arranging a double knee transplant again, but I'm leaving that for the present as "Harry Potter", ( precocious little beast) has been in full swing now for a couple of weeks with the possibility of another little picture to follow in September.

We've been trying to get time to slip away to Mallorca but no opportunity at the moment. Perhaps in October when the heat has subsided a bit. Anyhow I prefer the Autumn there; its like a second spring after the rains come.

Had lunch, the other day, at LE COLUMBIER to treat Suzy for all the worry and stress she has had to put up with lately on my account. Very glad to say the standard is still right up there. I thought of you as I attacked a half dozen Rock Oysters which were delicious. If I could afford it, I think I would eat there at east once a week.

How is yr book progressing? Havent seen or heard any news of that TV history of 60s Rock you were working on last year. Drop me a line sometime and let me know when you are coming over here again

Love to you both with a manly hug...
LARRY and SUZY xxx

Hi Larry

Were the kisses meant to be manly too?

I'm delighted about all your good health, though the state of your knees sounds despressing. As usual, though, it sounds like you're loaded up with work. How long is it now that half the best movies made every year are only deemed completed when Ashmore's finished his orchestrations? Isn't it time you got some sort of award? or maybe you've had lots already and never thought to tell me.

Looks like I'll be in London in August so we must make a date to pillage Le Columbier's supply of rock oysters and further deplete their wine cellar. As soon as I have the dates I'll call you and we'll set a day.

Love to Suzy
SIMON xxxx

SUNDAY JULY 17 2005

From: Simon Napier-Bell
To: Princess Asupa of Tonga, Beijing

Hi Asupa

How are you these days? Still enjoying Beijing nightlife?

You remember you told me and Thomas about the carnival back home? And said maybe we should even be judges at the next one. So we wondered when the next carnival will take place. And will you be there?

Please let me know.

Love
SIMON

i am sooo sorry not keeping intouch, it happening at the moment..........i will introduce you over email to the president of the Tonga Gay association, he is a cousin name Joey and i will have him details you the next one, thei will be a south pacific gay pageant will be sometimes in sept. i think...joey can give you more inform. on that......

how are things, one of my best friend from beijing is moving to bangkok in sept. he is a GM of the raffles hotel chain and i am visiting for sure in october.....

hope all is well and chat soon

take care
ASUPA

From: Asupa, Beijing
To: Joey M, Tongahello

joey darling, how is your blues on the island? anyway, a very good friend from thailand simon napier and thomas foley would love to visit tonga for the galaxy pageant but i told them that i will introduce them to you so you can give them more information on that and other upcomming pageant in the south pacific.......simon is a writer and in the entertainment industry and thomas just move to thailand from england on a new post and he too was involving in the entertainment industry in london.....

i trust you will chat to them when you have the chance......thanks so much and have fun on the island during the heilala..

ofa atu
ASUPA

SATURDAY JULY 16 2005

From: John Duthie, Istanbul
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

These are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest -- AKA Dark and Stormy Night Contest--run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University, wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel. Did you enter it? The penguin story sounds familiar.

Regards
JOHN

(10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."

(9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."

(8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."

(7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"

(6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."

(5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."

(4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."

(3) "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."

(2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."

AND THE WINNER IS.....
(1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!"

FRIDAY JULY 15 2005

From: Bored, bored, bored, Brisbane
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hey Simon

Listen - enough is enough. You gay guys have been sending each other emails all the week backwards and forwards over and over.

I'm not gay but I like your website and come often, mainly cos I like the emails… I mean I USED TO like the emails, every day a different subject, lots of them very interesting, especially the ones about your business dealings. But this week it's been gay gay gay, and I'm bored with it.

I've read all your books and I really like the last one best, I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch which I bought when I was in London in April. I like all the music business stuff, and the travel, and I specially like the food bits, cos me and my girl friend are big foodies. So please, cut the self-investigation and let's have some food talk, or travel. Otherwise I'm not coming back.

Yours
TONY SAVAGE

Hi Tony

Are you sure it's just the emails that are boring you? I've been in Brisbane and it's not exactly stimulus-city. Still, I get the drift. If you live in Brisbane you certainly need something more interesting to read than emails from agonizing queens. So tomorrow I'll do as you say and write about ‘memorable meals'.

Cheers
SIMON

THURSDAY JULY 14 2005

From: Fenton Bailey, World of Wonder
To:Simon Napier-Bell

Your article got me thinking... I've come to believe that I was always gay, even when I was pre-gay. Gay society always appealed as a concept (which to me was Batman - tho' more Robin - Scott Fitzgerald and T. Rex all mixed up in some sort of pansexual porridge)... but I think I was already gay-wired, and so-inclined.

I'm not seeking to avoid responsibility for being gay. Funnily enough at the time I was quite pious. Since God and Gay weren't presented in a mutually compatible light back in those days, I opted for the latter - even if that meant eternal hell. Anyway, Paradise Lost was on the school curriculum and Heaven was just so boring, whereas Hell seemed like a hot nightclub.

So, yes, to some extent I chose gayness, but I was really just riding the horse in the direction it was already going in.

FENTON

Actually, that was pretty much where I was too. It's obvious that gay society appealed because of something already rooted inside me. Even pre-puberty I can remember feeling having strangely affectionate feelings for one or two boys.

I made a choice, but the choice was easy. Being out (and this was before it was legal to be so) meant being unconventional and not part of the normal adult world - something I'd been wary about getting involved with ever since I was ten or eleven.

Even now, I think of being gay more about lifestyle than sex. Nowadays, of course, straights all over the world have had it pointed out to them on TV, in movies, and by advertisers. They're desparate (but unable) to join it. Hence, metrosexuals, and all those other pretenders.

(By the way, Hell as a nightclub was always my understanding too. Heaven was sitting round on cold clouds all day, surrounded by pious angels, and probably vicars and schoolmasters too.)

Lotsaluv
SIMON

WEDNESDAY JULY 13 2005

From: Simon Napier-Bell
To: Fenton Bailey, World of Wonder
(crosss-reference: 'WHATSGOINGON' JULY 9)

Thanks Fenton, for the over-the-top rave from my favourite gossipy website. It's bought several hundred extra hits in the last 24 hours, and a fair number of emails. Some of them quite weird.

The strangest thing is the sudden ‘getting into bed together' of brain-buggered Christians (those one in the South who've grabbed so much power they've been able to force schools to apologise for teaching Darwinism), and the people who most oppose them - people who believe passionately in natural selection. This latter group seem to be equally passionate in their belief that we are rational people, thinking and acting on our own behalf in all things.

However, if the study of ‘natural selection' runs its obvious course we inevitably end up with all this gene stuff. The final revelation will no doubt be that we're all pretty out of control of ourselves and pre-destined to be whatever we are. ‘I am what I am' will become not just the queens' lament but the scientists' bible.

Lots of people who normally find themselves on the side of science don't like that idea. As a result Darwinists are jumping into bed with Christian fundamentalists, insisting it isn't nature that tells us what to say and how to think, but something spiritual inside of us.

Personally, I don't give a hoot if all the things I think I'm thinking turn out to have been genetically installed to be thought by me. It's still work enough work digging around in my brain finding them; then choosing which one to place in the daily ‘think' file.

Love
SIMON

TUESDAY JULY 12 2005

From: Francis Connor, Pattaya, Thailand
To Simon Napier-Bell
Subject: Silly hats, silly genes

Oh Dear, Dear boy

You do seem to have stepped on a very sore corn with 'Sickened' of Minneapolis in your, what I thought was a most amusing not to say thought provoking (especially for a non-intellectual like myself), piece on the subject of silly hats and various kinds of genes.

I find terms such as - "gays mired in the straight world's misunderstanding" and "humorous at the expense of the gay community .... intolerable" - to be intemperate. But then we live in an age of free speech, which means that 'Sickened' in Minneapolis has the right to say whatever he likes, no matter how silly it may appear to the rest of the world, gay or otherwise.

Mr. A.W. seems to be...
(1) sadly lacking in a sense of humour
(2) spiritually parsimonious
(3) (to slightly paraphrase one of the closing lines of‘Good Morning Vietnam!') in serious need of a decent blow job.

By the way, what was the picture accompanying the problematic piece?

FRANCIS

Hi Francis

I agree, Mr Worthon seems a little uptight, but I shouldn't complain. At least he comes looking at my website, so in due course we might manage to loosen him up a little.

The picture with the piece is David Hockney's painting of Christopher Isherwood and his boyfriend Don Bachardy.

Love
SIMON

MONDAY JULY 11 2005

From: Adam Worthon, Minneapolis, USA
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com
(crosss-reference: 'WHATSGOINGON' JULY 9)

SIR

It has been irrevocably established that homosexuality is a condition people find themselves in without possibility of choice. Your jocular assertion to the contrary does favours for no one. Such attitudes as yours, whether genuine, or proposed with a misguided intention to amuse, can only bring extra misery to gays mired in the straight world's misunderstanding of their condition. Cheap jokes have been one of the main brickbats of the straight world in damaging the aspirations of gays. For a gay man such as yourself to be humorous at the expense of the gay community is intolerable and I abhor what you have written.

Your jocular suggestion that Christians have no ability to choose their faith is even more abhorrent. Whether written for amusement or not it offends me. I consider myself to be gay by condition and Christian by choice.

Your writing sickens me.
ADAM WORTHON

SUNDAY JULY 10 2005

From: Bobbi Marchini, Zakynthos, Greece
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hi Simon

Went to your site and smiled at the inclusion of the "gene debate".

This insidious and unworthy subject takes away from all of us the right to think and feel as we choose. Female orgasm gene!!!!...come again?...(an appalling pun I know..forgive me.) It makes me so angry.

What their unreliable and unworthy science does is take away, in the case of the female orgasm, all the responsibility of the male partner.... She doesn't have a bone rattling orgasm?...NOT MY FAULT..it's her genes. She's still seeking a superior partner.

In every case it lays a grounded excuse somewhere... Whether religion or gay or simply bad..."not my fault"...."no responsibility" etc. we choose because we think....and sex is all in the mind...not in our genes. If our genes had not wanted us to achieve orgasm it would have done away with the clit, bearing in mind that to conceive it is not necessary to climax ..for the female.

Every self respecting bi woman knows how to achieve and to deliver what a million hetero men wouldn't recognise if it slapped them on the back of the head.

What are these people smoking?

Love to you
BOBBI

SATURDAY JULY 9 2005

From: Sir Harry Cowell, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Good day to you Simon

I own the rights to the debut solo album by Magne F who is the writer and keyboard player from A-ha.

The album also feature members of Coldplay and Travis.....bloody good album and we have video etc etc.

I have releases through out Europe, interest in Japan, but have not looked at The Pacific Rim...any ideas...happy to cut you in.

Let me know your thoughts.

Hope all is well with you and Yo.

Speak to you soon
SIR HARRY

Hi Sir

Record companies in South East Asia are not keen on new acts from outside the region until sales are guaranteed. It would only make sense if it was done regionally and the two majors most able to do things regionally are Universal (David Loiterton) and Sony (Richard Denekamp), both working out of Hong Kong. But they're already getting pressured by their own companies in UK , US and Europe to release product already signed to them in those countries. However Richard Denekamp is keen to find a good UK home for Tata Young - a Thai/American artist with a great (but very pop) album produced in Sweden. It's good stuff and might possibly get off the ground in the UK (though Sony UK have said no to it). He might swap favours with you if you could pull something off for him.

Tell me about your new company. Is your label up and running yet?

All the best from me and Yo (and to Lady Anita)
SIMON

FRIDAY JULY 8 2005

From: Jeff Simpson, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

Our quietness over the past few weeks is down to the fact that we're all beavering away in our edits here in Soho . For me, it's week 13 of being locked away - I reckon I have another couple of weeks before it's all finished. There are probably a lot of areas which are very different to the book of Black Vinyl White Powder, but I think the spirit and tone and many of the ideas you laid out are still very much present in the series.

There's a feeling that the 60s, particularly, is a very robust programme, with lots of social context and important changes.

I think there's less of a clear line through the 70s. Sadly, but not terribly surprisingly, Bowie blew us out three days before the interview - when he got wind of the questions.

The 80s programme is fantastic - if I do say so myself. It's full of good solid arguments about meaty subjects, and it's all got the striking backdrop of Thatcher's Britain , the Aids crisis, etc.so it all works well for me.

The 90s show feels slightly more 'bitty' - but there's a good strong story going on, and I think it works. We're just at the stage of tweaking and weaving in all the archive. We've cleared the Blur track Girls and Boys for the title music, so that's now definitely the name of the series.

We have no idea of transmission date yet - although we're definitely going on the telly some time this autumn.

I'll get the tapes over to you as soon as I can, and look forward to hearing what you think. I'm sure we'll have a chance to celebrate next time you're over - but that's it for now.

Take care, and all the best
JEFF

Hi Jeff

Thanks for your update - it's sounding tantalisingly good.

Bowie not talking is a bit of a downer. He made his career out of capitalising on bisexuality and you have interviewees on tape who confirm he was rampantly sexual in all directions, yet now won't re-look at it. It makes you think it must be to more to do with dissatisfaction for his current life than with his past life.

If it was all a publicity joke, it should be such an easy thing for him to discuss. If it was a gay period he went through and came out of, that should be equally easy, given there would be nothing to own up to since everyone already knows. And if it's that he's really gay but has now decided to repress it - well, that's really interesting. Why should someone who has been so 'out' need to go back to being so intensely 'in'?

I'm really looking forward to seeing tapes as soon as they're ready.

Best regards
SIMON

THURSDAY JULY 7 2005

From: Larry Ashmore, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Both

How sweet of you to write. You'll know that for the last few months I've been finding work quite a struggle. I completed work on "Nanny McPhee " and should soon be starting on the new " Harry Potter", but as I told you when you were in London , I had fibrillation of my heart which completely exhausted me.

But Friday, week before last, I got a sudden appointment to go to the hospital for a heart op. Its called an OPLATION and consists of three catheters being inserted into an artery (sure you want to hear this??!!) and then fed up into the heart. Each catheter has a heating element at the end of it and is successively turned on the faulty nerves, which are causing all the fibulation - and burn them to death - leaving the healthy nerves to resume their proper function.

All this was on local anaesthetic so I could watch most of it on a monitor as the operating surgeon uses one connected to an X-ray machine which shows him what he's doing. Took 2 1/2 hours and rather uncomfortable as the burning takes place. Result: Total recovery and now back at work. Amazing.

Love from us
LARRY &SUZY xx

Dear Larry

That's fantastic about the heart operation. What good news! I remember when I was about ten a doctor did much the same to a verruca on my foot.

Does that mean all the unhealthy bits are fixed now? Or is there still more to do? You were also talking about your knees needing some sort of fixing up. Anyway, as long as you're good for eating and drinking and pronouncing on the world that's enough for me.

Have you now started the new ‘Harry Potter' movie? It seems your movie work just goes on endlessly. Bizarre really, to think that you retired twenty years ago to Majorca , and seriously thought you would be able to do nothing but paint and potter.

I've just been in Bahrain where I met a fascinating Sheikh who might become a rock-star – he has the talent too do so (in fact he's rather brilliant) and the backing too. It would certainly shake the world up a bit to have a Moslem sheikh at number one in the US rock charts. It looks like a good project and I hope to be involved. If I am, that would bring me to London a bit more often – which would mean more meals with you two. Execllent! And hopefully Yo would come too.

Lots of love to Suzy (from Yo too)
SIMON xx

WEDNESDAY JULY 6 2005

From: Paul Rymer, www.nightporter.co.uk
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

Just wanted to say a quick "thank you" for linking to my website (Nightporter) on yours. I'll return the favour.

I found your website tonight when I got it into my head to find out what Allan Soh was doing these days. My boyfriend has started reading "Lunch" (sorry to abbreviate like that but it's more tasteful than "I'm Coming") and was asking about him.

I really enjoyed "I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch", much more than "Black Vinyl" in fact. I think it was because it was more personal, more candid, and I liked the foodie aspect to it.

Is there (or have you contemplated) an audio version? I work with a lot of blind or partially sighted people ( http://www.afbp.org ) and much as I am tempted to read out chunks of your books - they (and many others I hope) might enjoy to hear the real thing. You could even do a soundtrack or compilation CD to go with it. The possibilities are endless.

Back to Japan, I fought the urge to tell you this but have lost (damn) - the picture of you with the group on your CV page was taken at Radio Luxembourg. It was, however, published in Japan so the caption is correct from a certain point of view.

Best wishes and all that
PAUL

Hi Paul

Re your website - you don't really have to thank me for the link - I should thank-you for the website, it's far and away the best information site for Japan and the early days of David Sylvian. I've referred to it on many occasions to refresh my memory when writing books. As regards the wrongly credited location in the photo of me with Japan, I've now rectified it. Funny thing, as soon as you said it was Radio Luxembourg, I could remember the day quite clearly.

I'm glad you're enjoying 'I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch' so much. I really enjoyed writing it, and you're right, it's much more personal. And regarding an audio edition, I must speak to my American publishers - it's being pubished there in January next by Wenner Books (Rolling Stone Magazine). It was also suggested to me by Fenton Bailey of World of Wonder Productions in LA. I'm sure it will get done in the end.

As regards what Allan Soh is doing these days. He's still working at Harrods, where he's been for some ten years now, but is quitting work altogether in the Autumn and moving to the Far East. He's bought a small flat round the corner from my house in Pattaya, and wants to buy another one in Singapore.

All the best
SIMON

TUESDAY JULY 5 2005

From: Janis Kay, London
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

Thank you for looking after Bruce for me. He is still jet lagged for the experience, what did you do to him?

As you are probably aware my new job is property acquisitions and I am enjoying it. I am also trying to find a house to renovate and rent out for myself.

I have not given up on the music and am building my studio and still writing (it is now a hobby and if anything does come of it then fab, if not then I just enjoy). I did a pilot sitcom and now it is being shown on BEN (BLACK ENTERTAINMENT NETWORK) every week.

I am taking Danni to Florida and then Jamaica to meet her Great -Gran ma she is even older than Simon - 92 this year. Bruce gave me your website details and I enjoyed it immensely, I told I liked the picture with your little willy and that I bet it is the same size, but still got you into a lot of trouble as you got older.

What is Yo doing for his birthday week? I am going to LA for mine for an EXTREME MAKEOVER. OK, only kidding, but I am working towards my convertible for next year and am going to have a party 25 June. I had put on 2 stone, but have lost half a stone, I work out every other day and have beauty treatments like MUMMY WRAPS which leave me COLD and miserable, also DRY as they use MUD.

Danni is doing fine at school, she still has a ferret called FIDGET who does a dissapearing act, AWOL, so now Bruce has put TWO padlocks on his cage and he is a prisoner in his own home.

Anyway have to dash got to go and wash two smelly dogs. Stay in touch!

Love
JANIS XX

MONDAY JULY 4 2005

From: Fee, Mercury Moon
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon

Nice domain name Email address! Pass me that White Powder !

I've been meaning to write and thank you for including a link to David's Tyrannosaurus Rex Essay on our 'TAG's Marc Bolan Web Site'. I'm glad you enjoyed the essay. It's not really the 'usual' Tyrannosaurus Rex synopsis but then David & I ain't your ' usual ' 'Bolan People' !!!!!!!

As I'm sure you'll know as you've discovered the TAG Site that we have the dubious honour of owning Marc Bolan's Rock Shrine - The Bolan Tree in Barnes, London . Also, David and I are researching Steve Took's Biography - A Trip Through Ladbroke Grove - The Life & Music of Steve Peregrin Took . I don't know if you have any photos of Took (with or without Bolan) we could use in the forthcoming book. If so then I'd be hugely grateful for any assistance. Took is on record as saying you were " Weird ". I'd be interested in your 'take' on Took as you knew him & Bolan in the very early days. When he first answered that ad in 1967, Took was still seventeen then.

I don't know how well you knew the Official Born to Boogie photographer Keith Morris ? I assume you've heard that he went on a dive on June 17 th and did not return? He is presumed dead. I pray that he is found, maybe with amnesia but it is becoming increasingly unlikely, though so far his body hasn't been found. This is a huge personal blow to me as Keith was a genuine friend.

I'd promoted the 'Born to Boogie' DVD extensively on the TAG site & was assured I'd get an invitation to the 'Born to Boogie' DVD VIP Premier . I didn't get my ticket & couldn't get straight answers so I get in touch with Keith.

He was told my invitation had been rescinded by the PR Company because there was a worry I " might cause trouble and that as it was to be a celebration of Marc's life I wasn't welcome there ." Keith, Bless his heart, told them, "In that case I'm going to take Fee as my guest!" So the reason I'm grinning like the Cheshire Cat on all the VIP Premier photos on www.Marc-Bolan.org web site is because I was "there" when "they" didn't want me to be!

What Fun! Anyway, this Email has got a bit gossipy. So please forgive the fact that this Email has an excess of 'personality' - but then that is me ! Gosh I hope you've got the sense of humour. I "think" you have!

Life's a Gas!
FEE xxx

Hi Fee

Thanks for your long chatty email.

Re an interview. I'm afraid you're going to have to wait. I have no plans to be back in the UK for the moment. Re Took too, I'm afraid I can't help you at all. I remember almost nothing. The first session perhaps, at Mayfair studios, upstairs in South Molton Street . All I remember was that Marc didn't talk to him like an equal, but then when Marc was working he was like that with most people - restrained, under control, but tense and in charge.

Re David's essay - it was a pleasure to provide the link. It's a way better than average exploration of Marc, his career and his character.

All the best
SIMON

SUNDAY JULY 3 2005

From: Simon Napier-Bell
To: Francis Connor, Pattaya

Hi Francis de Loola

I love it when you write your emails accompanied by friend Jacob, the words come out with such a swish. I received your last one while I was in Bahrain and your eloquent denunciation of the BdeG was like a draft of fine cognac.

I am now back, and would love to firm up our dinner with Brad. But for the moment let's leave it open because I've arrived home with the most terrible cold - one of those 'once every five years' ones. I spent all of yesterday in bed and really feel no better today.

Hopefully, though, on Monday I'll contact you.

Lotsaluvanallthatstuff
SIMON

Lieblink Dearest

I cannot bear the thought that you are under the weather, please, please, get well soonest

I think Brad is back up in Bangers shortly but I have asked about his travel plans vis a vis a Peking Duck evening, in which he is greatly interested

I look forward to hearing from you, full of vim, verve (perahps Clicquot?) and get up & go

Toodlepip! (my dear friend Jacob is not around today, perhaps you can tell)

FRANCIS

SATURDAY JULY 2ND 2005

From Iain Cooper, Bahrain
To Simon Napier-Bell

Hi Simon,

Hope you got back ok.

On behalf of the Bahrain posse, I want to thank you for your wit, wisdom,
insight, support, experience and, most of all, your company.

You made the whole experience work on pretty much every possible level - you
lifted spirits, focused energies and literally tore the handbrake off the
whole thing!

There is much more to say and do - I just wanted to say a quick thanks and
give you details of the restaurants we visited - Fusion, Mirai and La Cave

La Cave doesn't appear to have La Website, but Mirai has one and Fusion is c/o the Gulf Hotel.

By the way, Hassan's pictures will come later today - the CD we had seems to
have done a Reggie Perrin!

Speak to you soon.

Cheers
IAIN

Hi Iain

Thanks for being so complimentary. I'm glad I was of use.

My cold, which I just managed to keep under wraps for the three days, burst forth on
the plane and I arrived at Bangkok sweating, sneezing, dripping and coughing. I've crawled home to bed where I've been all day (emerging now in the evening to respond to emails).

Tomorrow (hopefully feeling a mite better) I shall polish up and add somewhat to the
web piece, then put it up on Saturday. I shall also contact Stephen Budd about suitable engineer/producer/guitar people.

Now back to my sniffy bed.

Cheers
SIMON

FRIDAY JULY 1 2005

From: Simon Napier-Bell
To: James Palumbo, Ministry of Sound, London

Hi James

Hope you're well and Ministry is continuing to make your fortune. I think the thing I miss most in Thailand is those great dinners round your place, hearing your tactical plans for eventual political domination.

A friend of mine has asked a favour. He's Tim Young, the father of the only pop star in Thailand to have broken out internationally.

Early last year Tata Young released a great album of dance-orientated pop, produced in Sweden and sung in English, and it's done really well in many non-Thai territories. Listening to it, I see no reason at all why it shouldn't happen in the UK too.

I know Ministry switches from pop periods to rootsy dance periods. Just in case you're currently having a pop period, could you please pass her CD on to your head of A&R for a listen.

Thanks.

Lots of love (and from Yo too)
SIMON

Dear Simon,

Please see email below. Thanks for thinking of us...we will think of other homes for the project.

When am I going to see you?

Lots of love
James

From: Lohan Presencer, A&R,
Ministry of Sound
To: James Palumbo

Dear James,

Thanks for giving me the folder and material from Tata Young. I gave it to the A&R team and asked them to go through it, give me their feedback and see whether we might be interested in looking into it further. The album is beautifully produced and the songwriting of the typical high standard that one would expect from the Murlyn production team. Given that our focus at present is very much back on our core business of dance music and that we are giving pop a reasonably wide berth, unfortunately it's not really right for us. I will have a think about whether there is anyone else we can pass it on to for whom it may be more relevant.

best....Lohan

THURSDAY JUNE 30 2005

From: Barbara Jolliffe, Prime Speak, NY
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Simon - can we get you back out speaking some time soon? Or will we have to wait for your new book's US publication?

If you'd agree I'm sure we could put together a three or four week package in October round college music departments. Sixties stuff is what's wanted - the beginning of rock, that sort of thing - and maybe some gender studies too if you bend your talk to include the gay influence on rock's development.

We would take care of all the organisation and if we split between all the colleges booking you could probably expect to end up with $25,000 clear for four weeks. Doesn't it tempt you? And it would be fall too. So much nicer than waiting till December and freezing your way around the place.

Come back to me on this, please
BARBARA

Hi Barbara

I'm sure it would be more useful for me to do this when the new book is out. I'll be coming to the States to do promo for that anyway. And while I'm no fan of North American winters, since I've got to be there anyway I would much rather combine the two. You know I don't enjoy these talks all that much - all that being greeted by the blue-rinsed brigade who insist I come home with them for coffee when I'd rather be in the hotel reading a book. Then they get all giggly and own up that forty years ago they were the teenage groupie in the hotel lobby who sneaked up to Jeff Beck's room and did a plastercast of his dick, or whatever. Now they're respectable grandmothers. Actually, the first few times it happened I thought it was hilarious - but it soon wore thin. And then after the lectures I have to suffer all those over-zealous students asking earnest questions about "Did we use a Neve desk to mix the 'B' side of 'Happenings Ten Years Time Ago'." The more I think about it the more I think I'll forego your offer for the moment and wait till January when the book's out.

Sorry.

Best
SIMON

WEDNESDAY JUNE 29 2005

From: Alister McMillan, Features Editor
South China Morning Post
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Simon

It’s Alister from the South China Morning Post, and I’m after another favour.

I wondered if you would like to take part in our summer reading special. I’m asking leading writers from around the world and HK notables to name the books they’re reading and those they hope to tackle before the end of summer.

All I need is a chatty 200 words on your recommendations in the next week. Please let me know if you have the time and inclination.

Best
Alister

Hi Alister

Inclination - yes! Time - less of. I'm in Bahrain on business at the moment and am not surrounded by books. But I'll be back home on Saturday and will turn my mind to it then. So if Tuesday next week would be OK, I'll do it.

Please let me know.

Best regards
SIMON

Tuesday is fine, Simon. Feel free to go into the constraints of trave on your reading habits and books waiting at your bedside.

Best
Alister

TUESDAY JUNE 28 2005

From: Robert B. Wallace, Editor-in-
Chief, Wenner/Rolling Stone Books
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Simon, we were at Book Expo here last week pushing your book. I must have given an advanced reader copy to every bookseller in the country and told them what a great read it was. A number of the booksellers in Texas mentioned that George Michael is now living in Dallas, Texas, with his boyfriend who is a chef and has opened a restaurant down there. Do you have any information on this? Also, aside from getting your book out to reviewers, I want to get some blurbs from select people. One bookseller already called to say she had read the book, loved it, and that your writiing reminded her of Michael Palin's travel writing. I can try to get the book to him if you agree. Will George or Andrew give us something? Let me know. Hope this finds you well.

Cheers and regards,
Bob

Hi Bob

That's great news that everyone seems to like the book. The problem with George is he is SO afraid always that other people are taking advantage of him. I'm sure he will hate the whole idea of me writing the book. On the other hand, I DO believe in miracles and if you were to get the book to him and ...(although I'm sure he won't agree to give a good quote or anything like that)... by chance he said something outrageously angry or bitchy, that might make a brilliant quote. So if we could engineer it, why not?

If you could get a quote from Michael Palin too, that would be great. (Or perhaps that's what your email meant, it wasn't quite clear).

With regard to Wham!, Andrew still tends to follow whatever George wants. It's probably a matter of money, and peace and quiet. (Wham! still earn him good money from record sales and songs, why mess it up?) But since my philosophy is that bad quotes (especially REALLY bad ones) can be as good as good ones, I see no reason not to try.

One thing's for sure though - neither George or Andrew will have anything to do with me or the book in a formal promotional way. (Andrew, though, unlike George, might read it and like it and say somehting nice about it.)

Best regards
SIMON

MONDAY JUNE 27 2005

From: John Dang, Bangkok
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Hope all is well. I've been busy of late working on the website ("take a moment" remastered and uploaded) and started composing a song for the local high school (where emma teaches) to make some money and help my bank balance out. I've just got back from a week in Koh Chang too so thought I'd touch base!

I should be meeting up with my producer friends next month in BKK-they're coming out to meet me, have a holiday and go over my stuff on the way to Japan where they've just signed one of their artists to a label there. I may return to London to record with them at the end of the summer. Then all going well I'll have my masters.

How's everything with you? Did you ever hear from Tim?

John

Hi John

Good news about the forward movement with your producers. Are they going to do the whole album for you?

How's the songwriting going? A few weeks ago you were promising four or five new finished songs within another week or so? I'd love to hear them up to date.

No news from Tim Young. I guess he's got other things to do, and anyway it's of no great importance now you have your producers in place in the UK. Get the album done and we can start working in earnest getting the record company in place.

What's the deal you're making with the producers points-wise? Also, if they finish the album and there's any of it you're disatisfied with, can you move on to other producers? It'll be important to clarify all details well up front of starting work, and to ensure whatever happens you will keep some freedom to manoeuvre.

Cheers
SIMON

SATURDAY 25JUNE 2005

From: Alec Ewe
To: Simon Napier-Bell

Dear Simon

Been through your website and was quite offended I don't represent any text in your life. Anyway check out my website www.bambuddha-hut.co.uk

Alec

Hi Alec

I've been through your website and it's given me a big appetite. It's almost dinner time right now, so that's quite helpful. But I'd love to be there eating in your restuarant. Your champagne looks like very good value! And it's great that you've been working with Anthony Worral Thompson.

Re my website. The reason Allan and Donavon are quite featured in it is because they're the mainstay of my new book, which is about taking Wham! to China (I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch). The book you'll be in is two down the line because the one I'm now writing is about my early days - school and just after.

But I hate to give offence. So on the website, in the CV section next to the photo of us in Acapulco (circa 1987), I have now written about you in suitably flattering terms. Anyway, please don't be offended. You'll be written about with great affection when the time comes.

I hope business is good for you. I hear the weather in England is really hot at the moment. I suppose that's good for the restaurant. Do you have air conditioning?

Lots of love (and best wishes to Jo too)

SIMON

FRIDAY 24JUNE 2005

From: Simon Napier-Bell
To: Caspar Llewelyn-Smith
Editor Observer Music Magazine

Hi Caspar

A couple of weeks ago on the website I did a piece on a superb Bangkok group called Futon.

There's a really strong feeling in the air that Thailand is going to be the place that finally puts Asian artists on the map in the rest of the world. Mainstream, rock and dance - all three have the potential to break out and a couple have already started to do so. It might make a great piece.

What d'you think?

Best regards

SIMON

Dear Simon

Apologies for the belated reply. I'm mustard keen on the general notion of a piece; I think good to touch on the rest of South-East Asia , but concentrate on Thailand . Is Sek Loso a big deal? Relevant to what you'll be writing? (He'll be performing at Glastonbury this year)

CASPAR

Hi Caspar

Yes - Sek Loso is a very big rock star here in Thailand . Whether he'll make it overseas or not remains to be seen. I'm afraid he might take too much of the Thai-ness out of his rock music for the foreign market when he should be doing just the opposite. However, he IS relevant to what I'm writing because what interests me is that in all musical areas Thailand is coming to the boil intenationally-speaking. It's going to be a place from which quite a few acts break out.

The scene which interests me most is the sort of dance techno ethnic mix. It's producing some quite unique things, distinctly of this region. But I'm also keen to see what the reaction is to Sek at Glastonbury. He will certainly be some part of what I write about - also of the allure of Thailand attracting music business people who are giving up at home, or retiring, and then when they get here get fascinated with the local music scene and start giving it input. Like Tim Carr, with Sek.

Best
SIMON

THURSDAY 23 JUNE 2005

From: Fenton Bailey, World of Wonder, L.A.
To: Simon Napier-Bell

thanks for your e-mail

ive just finished your wonderful, hilarious, moving and also haunting book. i rarely laugh out loud when reading, but i did, several times.

too bad you're so far away; would be good to sit down and talk about it.

i totally relate to your love of long haul flights and the lure of the east. and it was just so funny the way you perfectly captured jazz and - tho ive not met him - george, you should really see his doc if you havent seen it.

anyway i had dinner with michael werner from fortissimo films and told him all about it and said that it would make a wonderful film.

so i bought three more copies - one for randy, one for him and one extra to have on hand.

off to australia deep throat promoting tomorrow. was going to try and fit in a trip to thailand but couldnt make the dates work, so i'm going to plan a separate trip for later this year and do hong kong and singapore. i just feel a tremendous excitement about this part of the world. america has lost the plot and couldnt imagine going back to europe , so the far east it is.

FENTON xx

Hi Fenton

Well, I'm so glad you like the book so much. It really would make a wonderful film, I agree. But like I told you, there's no way George would ever let Wham! music be used, so it would have to be fiction. Perhaps we could call the group Whamsipoos! – two very fey, delicate lads. And the songs would become Young Buns, Whamsipoos Rap, and Careless Lisper. And perhaps the whole thing could be done in a mythical Asian country.

But I leave all that to you and Randy. You have much wilder ideas than mine.

SIMON

WEDNESDAY 22 JUNE 2005

From: Simon Napier-Bell
To: David Junk, Universal Records, Russia
Friday, June 17, 2005 2:29 AM

Hi David

I seem to remember today is your birthday. If I'm right, a very happy birthday to you. If I'm not, well, have a happy one when the right day comes. Things are quiet in Thailand. I sometimes think maybe I could cope with another Russian papa for a year or so. Let me know if you hear of anything. Though by the time you do, I'll probably have changed my mind. These days, I'm not only writing another book, I'm also writing something every week for my website. It's doing rather well. You should take a look. All the best (and give my regards to Thomas when you see him)

SIMON (and love from Yo too!)

Hi Simon

I knew I would hear from you! What a treat to return to my computer and see your mail. I took a life-changing solo journey to Jerusalem on my birthday, which happened to be my fortieth. Stayed at the King David hotel, you must know it. A lot like the Casa Del Mar, but a with bit more worldly. I dined in Tel Aviv and by coincidence met Shimon Peres in a seafood restaurant. Not bad eh? Are you serious about another papa because I've got projects. Watch what you wish for..... Again, great to hear from you. I checked out the web site, very funny. I still think you should be doing that Michael Palin thing journeying around the rock n roll spots of the world. Maybe we could package this as a DVD concept with a soundtrack.

Wheels spinning. Keep in touch.

DAVID

TUESDAY 21 JUNE 2005

From: Simon Brooke
Re: "Another Sunday Times article"
To: simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

I hope you're well. No date yet for the holiday interview I'm afraid but they do like the piece and so it should go in soon. I wondered in the meanwhile if you could help me with another article I'm doing for The Sunday Times.

It's about celebrity romances and how celebs are sometimes accused of using them purely for publicity purposes - witness a survey in People magazine about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes which reveals that 63 per cent of those asked believe that they are just doing it to publicise their movies.

You might remember that Chris Evans and Geri Halliwell were also criticised for a high profile romance.

I wondered if you had any thoughts on this? Have any of your clients over the years had a similar experience? Have you ever thought about suggesting that they get a high profile girlfriend/boyfriend to help their career? Do you think people are more cynical about this than might have been years ago?

It would be great to hear any comments you might have - either by phone or email at any point today or over the weekend if possible.

Best wishes
Simon

Tough one this - I've never been involved with such things. Oh yes - there was a time when we built up a bit of publicity about George Michael and Brooke Shields getting along rather well together. But as far as I remember, the idea was to stop any gossip about being gay, and the problem was, anytime any famous person wanted to do that, they always seeemed to wheel out Brooke Shields. She was obviously a bit of a fag hag. So it seemed to confirm it rather than contradict it. Which always made me wonder when she finally married Andre Aggassi.

I certainly think people are more cynical about this sort of thing than they used to be. Fairytale romance is not much cared for these days. As for Tom Cruise - the guy's so obviously got a sexual problem anyway. The way he always lounges around so butch on talk shows - his legs stuck out at all angles - unpretty and over masculine. I think these days the public spot these things much more readily than they used to.

Of all these faked romances, I suppose the most extraordinary one was the Michael Jackson/Lisa Marie Presley one. What was she thinking about? (I mean Lisa Marie!)

Sorry I can't be more help, it's not an area I've ever cared much about.

Best regards
SIMON

MONDAY 20 JUNE 2005

From: Mary Cigarettes
simon @ blackvinylwhitepowder . com

Hello Simon......

my names Gregory Gray... a failed popstar in my late thirties,and all
the more fortunate for it. I'm only writing to say I've read all three of your books and how much
I enjoyed them. You write like a man who has nothing to prove...it's very
endearing...never self serving. I licked the print off every page.
"You don't have to say you love me" is my favourite if only because of
the time frame. I relished that one in the same way as Andrew Loog Oldhams books.
London seemed like the beginning of everything during those years.
Sometimes I think London is regaining a hint that atmosphere.The
homosexuals are more foppish again. The domestic picture you paint in the latest one is terrific..the swishes and the two ex boyfriends. It sounded like the best household.The great thing about that was even though it seemed fairly fierce,it was never ill spirited.

best regards
Gregory

Hi Gregory

Nice to hear from you. In the review section of the website I've put a quote from you right next to a quote from the Times Educational Supplement. I thought they juxtaposed nicely.

All the best
Simon

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